I can now relate to this article because of the terror and fear I felt when I was with my now ex boyfriend. I was scared I would be taken advantage of and he said not to be so sensitive and enjoy it. I can now know the fear others feel and I cannot relate to all of you, but this article says it all
That last paragraph is so profound and real that it related to every world issue I know of. Just that last paragraph. I wrote it down and I wrote your name below it.
I was harrassed when I was 15, and I count myself as one of the LUCKY ones, because it didn't go beyond sleazy thigh touching and creepy words. I was able to withstand the situation - didn't panic or freeze with fear, although I was very lucky there were so many people around, but it gave me nightmares for weeks to come. How fucked up is it when I'm one of the "lucky" people who have only encountered the mildest form of assault, and I'm not even 18 yet!
Since that day, I have a hard time trusting men. I don't mind cat-calling or staring, in fact I take that as a compliment (but that might be because I've never had a boyfriend and I'm very surprised when someone pays me attention), but I'm terrified of anything that would go further than that. And I've only experienced the very tip of the iceberg!
I've posted about this before, and it's not really a secret, but for a long while, my grandfather was sexually abusing me. Even someone saying "thanks" to me makes me shiver, because that's what he'd say. I know that's not their fault, and that is a perfectly innocent word, and I'm strong, so I deal with it. But cat calls are not innocent, they might make some people feel good, but (and maybe this is just my own distrust of men, which definitely is something I'm working at) it doesn't seem to me that that's the intention. Cat calling is to get attention, not to make the woman feel good. I really have never thought of cat calls as any sort of intentional, pure-hearted compliment, and that's where the problem lies...
I have a friend who turned 14 about a week ago who is so harassed by men around that there are lots of times where her mum won't let her go places without a male friend. I've been walking down the street with her and the shit we would get was astounding, both being under aged and most of the time in school uniform. I personally don't mind it, considering I'm a bit of a nerdy kid with little attention from guys otherwise (I'm not saying that it's right, just that it doesn't bother me), but it bothers other people. Though I have had no bad experiences yet, just some bad attention, I know I have friends who would be sensitive to it. So, I think with cat calling, you never know who you're talking to.
I used to walk about a mile from my middle school to my dad's work so he could take me home. I was only 14 and would get honked at and catcalled by passers-by. I wasn't even wearing anything flashy because my school uniform was just a Polo shirt and khakis.
I developed very, very early at age 8. The harassment began then. I hated being whistled at or worse and I believe I unconsciously started gaining weight just so the men would leave me alone.
As a guy, I will admit it goes too far. However, a lot of guys only feel they are paying you a compliment and should be taken and left as only that. If you obviously spend a lot of time and energy dressing up, doing your hair and make-up you should expect compliments on it. You should not, however, bash all guys who do say something about your appearance just because some don't show proper respect or are too illiterate to verbalize in a manner approved by society. And for those who have been victimized by A-holes, I personally apologize and hope you one day find peace.
No one is bashing all guys who say something about their appearance. I /love/ getting compliments, I do not like getting "compliments" that are completely inappropriate, rude, and make me feel uncomfortable. Compliments are when someone says "You look nice today" or "I like your ___" (the blank should not be filled in with ass, buns, breasts, ect. If you like how something makes our ass look you could possibly say that you like our dress or our shirt.) Part of the /problem/ is that guys feel they're paying a complimentwhen they're not - and no, it's not always a problem, sometimes sure whatever. But my grandpa felt he was paying me a compliment or doing me a favor, or as he would put it "giving me a treat". And I'm sorry, but your intent needs to be met with the reality of how it makes people feel. I'm still not saying all guys, I have never said all guys. Two of my best friends are dudes (straight ones, for the record). I'm saying some guys do inappropriate things, and it's not okay.
Although I don't like catcalling, I don't think it is a big enough issue to warrant one of those annoying tumblr femenist essays that call men privileged.
It's not calling men privileged, it was saying that the woman who wrote a journal entry on how women should feel lucky that they get cat called at was lucky for not ever having to be afraid.
What pisses me of about tumblr feminism is that they focus on small thing like this. Compared to the women in the middle east, they're VERY privileged, but they rarely attempt to do anything for the women who actually do live in areas where they are oppressed.
So maybe you should? I mean, it's not great, but it's pretty understandable that they would rather do something to help themselves, and most of them are probably too young or uneducated to really do any good even raising awareness in places in the middle east. Most of them have never been there, or even understand most of the culture there, let alone have the ability to tell what women there feel like they want to change. They have a personal connection to things like this, and they know from experience what they would like to change about it.
Since that day, I have a hard time trusting men. I don't mind cat-calling or staring, in fact I take that as a compliment (but that might be because I've never had a boyfriend and I'm very surprised when someone pays me attention), but I'm terrified of anything that would go further than that. And I've only experienced the very tip of the iceberg!