It's Just beautiful

Dammit why can't life's daughter hit on me

You have no life.
Neither do any of us actually...
ehh? the pun?

The sort of girl you bring home to Mom and Dad.

Absolutely.

And do it right on the kitchen table, having shoved the pot roast onto the floor and coated the two of you in gravy. Someone grab the camera...

You do get that it's a woman in makeup, right? Death is something to avoid until you learn your lesson.

Avoid death until you learn your lesson and pass it on to someone special.

Even better. :)