Babies

Have you met baby you?

I heard stuff i apparently did as a baby.

What kind of stuff?

Stuff babies do.......that i hate.

Drugs, murder, sex. Yeah I did that too as a baby.

I thought i was the only one

This is a weird conversation we're having.

Can it get weirder?

I don't know. I never have these conversations.

By the way why did you do all those stuff as a baby?

You had to bad shit to survive.

I ate flowers as a baby -.-

Watch out we got a bad ass here.....i won't mess with you man

I cried BEFORE I pooped

Damn son!

I also apparently ate wasps and bees and handed back the stinger

Get this: i was so angry to be born that i didn't talk to anyone for like a year

Shit. Well I used to shit in these special pants, and then somebody else would put on a new pair for me.

Well I had people feed me. I didn't even have to do it myself

I had my own special pair of tits. Beat that.

I had slaves that would do anything if I cried. What now!?

I had people who were paid to look after me and do anything for me, crying or not.

I don't know how to top that.

One thing for sure: we were all assholes as a baby>

I went on a 9-month holiday with my mum before I was born. Top that.

Once I was born, I was so mad, I didn't listen or speak to anyone for two and a half years

I was so dangerous that my bed was made like a prison