When people sing happy birthday

Me today

Every single person, every time.

Sometimes I sing it too and then I realise what I'm doing and then die

Pfft forget that I conduct them

Have a panic attack and bolt for the door

I just scream HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, MOTHERF#CKERS! and shoot a machinegun to the sky as they sing

I conduct the orchestra, I always build to a big finish.