Suicide isn't something that should be joked about under any circumstances! I hope you are able to learn that on your own and don't have to go learn in a heartbreaking manner.
Can you atleast try to make sense in your comments? "themselfs" it's themselves. "About a fistful" try wrist deep. You seriously sound like you're about 12 but a really immature 12.
There's one, there's one, there's one, there's another one and so on and so on...