You're so cool

"I fucked my fifth pussy last week scrub"
"Come back to me with your fifth PhD then I'll consider gracing you with my existence"

I love being the sober friend who records all the stupid shit they do and then show it to them the next morning

"Haha well congrats in loosing brain cells, you did not seem to need them anyway :)"

True dat. People always look at me like I'm from Mars when I tell them I don't drink.

You all sound fun at parties, oh wait...