Reminds me of the time my dad brought home 10lbs of carrots

10 lbs of carrots ... was he trying to turn you orange?

One time I came home from grade school and my dad was bleaching our uniform shirts in bleach and pool shock and it started to bubble so he pulled the shirts out and they disintegrated.

One time my dad did the dishes when my mom wasn't home and he cracked a plate and said, "This really has my heart shattered" and then he laughed at his own joke so hard he had to sit down.

So your dad is the one all those math problems were about

Are you kidding? Is no one going to mention how cute that baby goat is?

yeah carrots...
http://funsubstance.com/fun/305474/weed-carrots/

My grandma once brought two bags filled with lemons and her machete.

10 lbs of carrots is nothing... try having your dad come home from work with 80lbs of blueberries

My dad named our cat after a gremlin...

My dad once was in charge of buying food for our dinner guests, so he bought 40 pounds of pork. For five people. The ensuing stress and shouting led to my mother being bedridden for the next nine weeks. I really, really wish I could be making this up.

he could've said "got another kid!"