There is nothing wrong with not being spanked but getting trophies just for participating could be a little too much ego boost (it doesn't happen though).
I meant it's better than them not trying at all. Some kids are too scared to try because they're scared they'll fail. I think it's a good thing for younger children that even if they suck it's okay because they tried, but not in excessive amounts as the guest before me stated.
That's where good parenting comes in. You let the child know you are still proud of them even though they failed, but that you are confident they can do better next time. Of course, helping them get better at whatever it is is important too. Heaping unearned praise and awards on children just for showing up only teaches them they do not have to try, they should be given whatever they think is due them just because they "tried". This sort of child rearing also has the side effect of teaching them that they actually are failures, and that no one cares enough to help them, while the kids who do try hard and succeed learn that they wasted their time because "everyone gets a trophy". Even if the parents refuse to keep score, THE KIDS STILL DO.
I completely understand that and agree completely, parenting plays a major aspect obviously. I feel the confusion is coming from our different undstanding of the word try in this particular situation. You mean that if children get praised for just showing up they'll just not really put effort into it and that's true, but that's where the good parenting comes in. I don't think literal trophies are the answer but encouragement for making effort is necessary.
Okay it sounds like we are in agreement here. Of course berating a kid for striking out in little league is going to cause much more harm than good, but too many parents today buy into the philosophy that pushing children to improve is tantamount to child abuse. Hell, I know someone who was visited by the police and child welfare because a neighbor called because he raised his voice to his son! Of course nothing came of it but it well could have been ugly in some jurisdictions.
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· 8 years ago
Me: You've done well, son.
Son: Do I get an award?
Me:No. You just participated.
Son: But-
Me: This society is going to give you ribbons of participation. Don't accept them. They're just going to give you a big ego and then soon crush you with the real world.
Son: Oh. So if I do the best, then I get things?
Me: Yes, son. But you mustn't have a big ego from winning all the time, you will lose.
Son: So dont get an ego from losing, and don't get an ego from winning?
Me: Yes.
Son: This world is fucked up. I'm gonna play video games for the rest of my life.
Me: That is the true key to life.
Kinda excessive there guest. A swat on the ass for misbehaving when the child is old enough to know better is not abuse. Not handing out meaningless trophies and ribbons to kids who didn't do anything but show up is not shitting on kids' good times.
This is my Boyfriend's 22 year old brother. Because his mother who decided to check out on mother hood the minute he was born, he has become a waste of a human being. He has no respect for anyone and expects everyone to do everything for him while he wastes his worthless brains on video games all day. He manipulates my boyfriend by guilt tripping to take care of him and that's the only reason why he hasn't been f**ked up the ass by the real world.
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· 8 years ago
*gives your brother a squirt bottle full of water*
Use it well.
There is a difference between not spanking your kid and not parenting your kid. There are many successful ways to raise a well adjusted person that do not involve striking them.
While this is true in many cases, in many it is not. I can tell you with utmost certainty that I deserved every spanking I ever got, that they were last resorts for my parents and teachers, and that I would not be the man I am today otherwise. And frankly I think I turned out pretty damn well.
Son: Do I get an award?
Me:No. You just participated.
Son: But-
Me: This society is going to give you ribbons of participation. Don't accept them. They're just going to give you a big ego and then soon crush you with the real world.
Son: Oh. So if I do the best, then I get things?
Me: Yes, son. But you mustn't have a big ego from winning all the time, you will lose.
Son: So dont get an ego from losing, and don't get an ego from winning?
Me: Yes.
Son: This world is fucked up. I'm gonna play video games for the rest of my life.
Me: That is the true key to life.
Use it well.