Backfire

If I were her friend, I'd be so proud of her

"He refused to put it in until I imitated a bird mating call and punched him in the nuts."

I think this was part of a tumblr post a long time ago
If anyone ever said they had sex with you, don't deny it because there will always be someone who will believe it no matter what. Instead, roll with it because they have just given you ammunition to completely fuck up their sex life.

well done
nice recovery

Or say "he sreamed his dad's name"

"His penis was literally the size of my pinky finger"