And to some of us living it it's a nightmare. I'm sorry but the fact that other people have it better or worse doesn't change the fact that life can be miserable to us sometimes. I'm grateful I was born where and when I was, but I don't always like my life and other people dreaming of having mine won't change that.
"Other people are sadder than you, so you don't get to be sad." It's so weird that we think this concept is logical. Imagine if we applied it to anything else; "yeah, I mean, you're happy, but you're not nearly as happy as someone who just won the lottery, so tone it down a little wouldya?"
I dont think the point here is to shame anyone to feel bad because of what others lack in life. I think its just a little reminder to show a little gratitude every now and then. Is that so bad?
Unfortunately, well these are good intentioned, they are symptomatic of a larger problem. Many people believe that situation is the most critical thing that effects happiness. And the logical extreme of this is anyone unhappy in a relatively good situation is just a crybaby.
If that doesn't sound like a problem to you, I hate to be the one to have to tell you: you are the problem. There are so many things that effect happiness, situation is a factor sure, but I don't even think it's the most important factor. And while attitude is important, I don't think anyone just wakes up and decides to have a negative attitude. Our experiences shape us, as does our genetic predisposition to mental health.
And while situation has a huge role in happiness, its relative to personal experience. I know people who at 18 years old were more stressed that they ever had been and were losing sleep, struggling to maintain normal relationships, and genuinely believed themselves to be failures...
These were high school students taking calculus. They were literally this worked up because they were only pulling Cs in the class and failing tests. But suffering is personally relative. These are people who had literally never struggled with anything before. They were learning how to study, and how to cope with stress, at the same time. There were like 25 kids in the class, and about half of them were in full blown crisis because they were experiencing the most stressful thing they had ever experienced. We took days off of schoolwork to have the counselor come in and talk to us about managing stress because our teacher was concerned.
And I will admit that there was a brief moment where I thought my classmates were being stupid/overreacting/crybabies.
But they weren't. They were legitimately struggling. It was the first time in my life where I thought "Thank God I suffered young. I can't imagine not knowing how to cope with stress." It helped me develop empathy...
...for those more fortunate than myself. And that I've found is harder. It's easy to feel bad for someone who has it worse. But it's hard to have compassion for someone who has it better than you. And that's a problem. It's a problem that we look around and see suffering every day but only suffering worse than our own counts as suffering. And if other peoples suffering doesn't count, than we cannot help them to suffer less. The only way to reduce suffering is to first acknowledge it's there. It's a problem that taken to its logical extreme means that wealthy kids with great futures will sooner end their life than see a therapist. And we live in a world where so many people will not seek help because of the stigma associated with having mental health issues. And that, above any amount of insulting it is to be told your problems aren't real, is the reason this is bad.
Well @dukedom, its insulting. Think about the worst thing you've ever experienced. Think about how upsetting that was to you. That experience isn't valid because you weren't suffering enough. Because others have it worse, you shouldn't be upset.
I'm making a point, obviously your emotions are valid and you have every right to be upset. I'm sure it was upsetting.
When you perpetuate the idea that you should be grateful for what you have, what you are really saying, whether you mean to or not, is that people are wrong to feel unhappy with their circumstances because what they have could be worse.
If that doesn't sound like a problem to you, I hate to be the one to have to tell you: you are the problem. There are so many things that effect happiness, situation is a factor sure, but I don't even think it's the most important factor. And while attitude is important, I don't think anyone just wakes up and decides to have a negative attitude. Our experiences shape us, as does our genetic predisposition to mental health.
And while situation has a huge role in happiness, its relative to personal experience. I know people who at 18 years old were more stressed that they ever had been and were losing sleep, struggling to maintain normal relationships, and genuinely believed themselves to be failures...
And I will admit that there was a brief moment where I thought my classmates were being stupid/overreacting/crybabies.
But they weren't. They were legitimately struggling. It was the first time in my life where I thought "Thank God I suffered young. I can't imagine not knowing how to cope with stress." It helped me develop empathy...
I'm making a point, obviously your emotions are valid and you have every right to be upset. I'm sure it was upsetting.
When you perpetuate the idea that you should be grateful for what you have, what you are really saying, whether you mean to or not, is that people are wrong to feel unhappy with their circumstances because what they have could be worse.