I need to floss

Or all of the above yes

That's a suspicious answer

How so?

That's exactly what a Thing would say

You know me. Do i really seem like a thing to you

I don't know. The only way to tell for sure is a blood test or a tooth check.

*slits hand, bleeds on table*

*applies heat to the blood which squeals and jumps towards you*

Now how the ack *is decapitated by the real me* and another stand in bites the dust

You don't know how the Thing works do you?

Barely haha

The only real way to kill it is with fire or possibly acid.

Fuck. then it's still out there

And if you decapitated a Thing, it would either merge back together or become its own creature.

It's more likely that you just killed a clone or an android

Double fuck. Well then we need some fire then

Blood and teeth checks for everybody!

Alright then i'm gonna need some blood

Just put something hot and metal in it. If it hisses you're good. If it squeals, you know what happens.

Right then I'll just superheat my sword

Now we play the waiting game.

Yes...

It squealed didn't it?

Yep.

You know what to do.

*decapitates*

Can we get someone to immolate him?

*flies in* Anyone need fire?

Burn him

*jet of flame* sorry about the wait

He could've multiplied by now! We're doomed!

*Gives you a flaming torch* Hold this close, now ur safe

If I haven't been assimilated myself

If u hold it close we will know, won't we?

Yeah.

Go on then... DO IT...

I'm good. The Thing can't replicate long-dead bodies like myself so I'm immune. That is unless it attacks and destroys me itself.

Burn more

*stabs chest with sword* and I rigged this place to explode

That'll do it. Explosions work wonders on the Thing.

I figured. Well it was a pleasure serving with you would you like to detonate the bombs?

*clicks a button* It has been a pleasure.

*explodes in slow motion four times with expensive special effects*

*halfway through the special effects get really shitty because the studio ran out of money*

Movie is a flop and sells 300 copies, studio goes bankrupt

But it becomes a cult hit some twenty years later

But the producers have already died

But so are the critics that gave it bad reviews

That's true

That is The Thing in a nutshell, minus the shitty special effects and dead producers.

Ah I'll have to watch it then

It's got Kurt Russell and Wilford Brimley in it.

Nice, is it on Netflix?

Sadly no

Damn