Remember this always

If this isn't the biggest piece if dumbass shit I've ever seen.

I hate myself so I know what I gotta do

The fuck is this shit?

"New year new you" BS. Every day you wake up is a new day. Every moment a chance to do better. The message here is don't hate yourself, you are likely not the same as you were as a toddler, and likely barely recall it. That's life. You will change no matter what. it's not always simple to change your life circumstances, but the one thing in life you have any measure of control over is yourself. Work on becoming a person who has the life you want. It's hard, can be very slow, and may never get you where you want or even any better off. But time will pass wether you act or not. Use your resources wisely, get whatever help you need. There are options, there are ways to get through the bad times even when you can't remember things ever being good. Hold on.