One of my friends kinda collects drunk girls at parties and is like "hey, you can sleep on this couch near me, I'll make sure no one touches you" and he's one of the kindest guys I know
No it's okay, we make "good dog" jokes about him all the time. He's big and blonde so we nick-named him Laban (short for Labrador and also the name of a really kind ghost in a kid's story).
(Hope this doesn't sound offensive)