Sounds like Jake is in fact a good guy. And your ex definitely needs to make some life changes and I'm really glad that you are not in that kind of relationship anymore.
I just want to point out that just not getting drunk is a really valid option, and doing terrible things when your drunk doesn't make you a bad person. Continuing to get drunk even though you know it's a problem does. Alcohol is great, in moderation. But getting drunk is often a bad decision, even for people whose reaction to being drunk is harmless.
Nah there are some things that are inexcusable regardless of sobriety. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, but the impulse to be abusive has to exist beforehand. And if that’s the case, sometimes you need therapy and sometimes you’re just a bad person.
This is actually a ethical philosophical argument that has persisted for centuries. On one side it says that a good person is a person who wants to do good things. On the other side it says a good person is a person who chooses to do good things, regardless of their emotions on the subject.
This is of course a simplification, but that's the basic idea. I believe people are good people because they choose to do good things regardless of how they feel. And even more than that I believe that it's better for the world to believe that. Because ultimately, most of us are running around wanting to do good and bad things. And its damning to promote that wanting to do bad things, even if you don't do them, is bad. It's also hopeless. And "why shouldn't I do bad things, I'm already a bad person, I might as well reap the benefits" The idea that says bad people are people who want to do bad things also fundamentally undermines impulse control, which is important for everyone.
At the end of the day, I don't want to live it a world where everyone's drunk self is their best self. True to their own internal goodness
or badness. I think humans as a species are so much better than that.
I just want to point out that just not getting drunk is a really valid option, and doing terrible things when your drunk doesn't make you a bad person. Continuing to get drunk even though you know it's a problem does. Alcohol is great, in moderation. But getting drunk is often a bad decision, even for people whose reaction to being drunk is harmless.
This is of course a simplification, but that's the basic idea. I believe people are good people because they choose to do good things regardless of how they feel. And even more than that I believe that it's better for the world to believe that. Because ultimately, most of us are running around wanting to do good and bad things. And its damning to promote that wanting to do bad things, even if you don't do them, is bad. It's also hopeless. And "why shouldn't I do bad things, I'm already a bad person, I might as well reap the benefits" The idea that says bad people are people who want to do bad things also fundamentally undermines impulse control, which is important for everyone.
or badness. I think humans as a species are so much better than that.