Why I still exist

Literally all that has kept me going at times

Ah I love my mother so much it makes me wanna cry.

Honestly, yeah. I just don't want others to be sad.

all family will be sad
also dogs will be sad

Yup.

It wouldn’t just be your mother who would be sad. And the word sad doesn’t begin to describe the raw and blinding pain those left behind would feel. There are numerous people who need you in their lives, and would miss you and grieve you, and feel a hole ripped in their life if you weren’t there. Even if it doesn’t feel like this, it is true. If you are feeling like suicide is the answer please talk to someone. You are worthy of living. You are wanted.

Also the high chance of it being unsuccessful but being left with lifelong irreversible damage

Not even just your mom. My dentist committed suicide in March, and there had to have been nearly 2000 people at his funeral.

I didn't want my kids to be "the kids whose dad killed himself."