Ignoring the scratch marks, have you people who suggest these things ever been in a situation of true terror?
Not everyone reacts to fear in the same way. Some people can fight.. others? Their fight needs to be against their own bodies... Your lungs shut down. You notice it first because you can't scream, you can't even speak.. you can barely gasp out breaths never mind say no.. You try pushing away. You try escaping... sometimes you can't even do that because your muscles shut down too.. You can't cry.. You can't escape and you realise you're a victim... You realise that you're helpless.. usually the person who rapes is someone you knew and trusted... their were warnings but they're family. You thought you could trust family... now they're touching you and they're older and bigger and you're scared... For yourself because you don't want it but you're trapped... and guilty because it's your fault... they'll tell you so.. guilty because they're going to get in trouble... You feel dirty
You shouldn't have to say no. Of course you feel like it's your fault, you thought they were a person you could trust, you don't want to ruin how your family sees them or how you see them. It's a way of defense, you don't want to see them as a bad person, you don't want to remember and that's okay. It's not okay that it happened, it's not okay that they did that but it is okay to feel dirty and it's okay to feel bad because it's not something anyone should ever have to experience. Eventually, you have to tell someone and eventually it will get better because you start to understand it's not your fault, in fact it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Yeah, to both @kittyrawrrawr for giving us a good example of how it feels for a lot of people, and to @parisqeen for reminding everyone that it isn't the victims fault, and it gets better.
I do want to shed some light to another side of this: Imagine you are in a dark bar, a tall well toned man gets handsy with you. Imagine in this circumstance that you are a woman who works at a computer and spends her free time watching Netflix and taking care of her cat [not a physically strong woman is what I'm saying]. Imahine you went to the bar with a friend, but that friend left an hour ago because her kid brother needed a ride home from some party he shouldn't have gone to. So you are alone, you aren't personally physically strong, and this man looks like he is. He has already shown he has no respect for your consent as he is already foundling your ass. What can you do? What should you do?
I realize that telling him to stop and getting away are not out of the question. But if you ever actually find yourself in that circumstance its terrifying. What if he doesn't take no. What if he hurts you more for fighting back. You could wind up dead in a ditch and they may never trace it back to this creep. However if you play along, you can probably get yourself out of this with minimal damage.
This is the problem inherent within the idea of rape being "continuing when someone says no " consent doesn't mean a lack of no, it means explicitly that someone agreed to the parameters of the situation upfront, and those parameters don't change without agreement from all parties involved.
Consent can be revoked, sure. But it needs to be there in the first place consent is not something you have until you lose it. Consent must be obtained first.
Absolutely. Thank you @parisqeen for helping remind those of us who suffered that we're strong... I got help, it took counseling but I survived. Some people didn't. I just want them to know they're not alone. It's scary and it's awful... It's difficult being a victim. Sometimes, as vulnerable as it makes you feel, you need to be reminded it wasn't your fault and you're not to blame. You were just a victim and you're never to blame for someone else's evil
My dad when I was a kid told me about rape and he told me "FIGHT from the moment you realize the person is not going to stop you fight like it is life or death because it just might be. Bite scratch and dig your fingers into their eyes. Get as much of his blood hair and skin under your nails and all over you. Because if you die trust your daddy I will find the people who did it to you and they will be dead."
He never told me say no and they stop or just cross my legs. He has been everything from an emt to fireman to fire marshal to cop. He has seen what happens when someone is determined to rape someone he knows if someone is determined they won't stop till stopped or they are done.
It's rape, the rapist already knows it's a big "no" but they do it anyways.
Most of the time, the criminal is stronger than the victim and they usually come prepared with knife and other things too.
Lots of positions do not require the legs to be opened and what make you think the rapist won't just force the victim's legs.
And last but not least, have functional brain for human's sake.
I'd also like to add that the word 'fight can be subjective. Generally with these topics they refer to a physical fight but sometime it can be mental. What I mean is that the victim may be in such a state of shock that the mind retreats inward to protect itself. So while it may appear that the victim isn't fighting back they most certainly are. The brain can suppress painful memories to protect itself. People need to remember that we are all different and that every person will react differently.
I think that once convicted, rapist, and pedophiles should be turned over to the famile and friends of the victim, chains,bats,hockey sticks,ect, and let nature run its course. The ones who make it to prison only get released when the victim agrees with a twenty year minimum in case the victim dies first.
Not everyone reacts to fear in the same way. Some people can fight.. others? Their fight needs to be against their own bodies... Your lungs shut down. You notice it first because you can't scream, you can't even speak.. you can barely gasp out breaths never mind say no.. You try pushing away. You try escaping... sometimes you can't even do that because your muscles shut down too.. You can't cry.. You can't escape and you realise you're a victim... You realise that you're helpless.. usually the person who rapes is someone you knew and trusted... their were warnings but they're family. You thought you could trust family... now they're touching you and they're older and bigger and you're scared... For yourself because you don't want it but you're trapped... and guilty because it's your fault... they'll tell you so.. guilty because they're going to get in trouble... You feel dirty
I do want to shed some light to another side of this: Imagine you are in a dark bar, a tall well toned man gets handsy with you. Imagine in this circumstance that you are a woman who works at a computer and spends her free time watching Netflix and taking care of her cat [not a physically strong woman is what I'm saying]. Imahine you went to the bar with a friend, but that friend left an hour ago because her kid brother needed a ride home from some party he shouldn't have gone to. So you are alone, you aren't personally physically strong, and this man looks like he is. He has already shown he has no respect for your consent as he is already foundling your ass. What can you do? What should you do?
This is the problem inherent within the idea of rape being "continuing when someone says no " consent doesn't mean a lack of no, it means explicitly that someone agreed to the parameters of the situation upfront, and those parameters don't change without agreement from all parties involved.
Consent can be revoked, sure. But it needs to be there in the first place consent is not something you have until you lose it. Consent must be obtained first.
He never told me say no and they stop or just cross my legs. He has been everything from an emt to fireman to fire marshal to cop. He has seen what happens when someone is determined to rape someone he knows if someone is determined they won't stop till stopped or they are done.
Most of the time, the criminal is stronger than the victim and they usually come prepared with knife and other things too.
Lots of positions do not require the legs to be opened and what make you think the rapist won't just force the victim's legs.
And last but not least, have functional brain for human's sake.