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famousone
· 4 years ago
· FIRST
Not in the least. So long as you're willing to be a half-decent fucking parent, that is.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
Very true. It isn’t an either or choice. That said- I do just want to say that it is an arguable proposition. There are plenty of people who would willingly trade some measure of mental health to better their lot in life. As a matter of fact- plenty of people work and struggle at a life that damages their mental health- simply to be able to survive.
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Edited 4 years ago
guest_
· 4 years ago
Wherever the person reading this is- somewhere not too far from them right now is a person who is sacrificing their social life, time with loved ones, personal relationships, self care, maybe working to the bone and or studying and saving and doing without- so they can have more than what they do. Now- we “should” balance our ambitions in a way that allows mental health and find little ways to stay healthy mentally even in the most dire straights- but being realistic- some people have so little, that they can’t rally hope to survive let alone better their lot if they don’t give it all and hold nothing for themselves. Even the resources to find the “little ways” to keep your mental health are beyond some people.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
So it can be a choice- or we could call it a choice in the way “kill your brother or kill your sister” is a choice- a shitty choice- but a choice- to put goals ahead of mental well being of even for a few years or decades or months etc.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
But it’s really individual isn’t it? Circumstantial- and like many things- we don’t get to “save scum” life and see how things would have gone if we made another choice. We can only day dream hypotheticals- and usually if we are happy with the way things went we see the alternative as bad, if we are unhappy, we see them as having gone good if we changed the past. Seldom do we look at a choice when life feels bad and say “if I would have made other choices- it would be worse!” Even though that is a distinct possibility.
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Edited 4 years ago
guest_
· 4 years ago
If we grow up, have a nice house and decent job and all that- we look at the short comings in our life like those traumas and things we blame on our upbringing and say: “if mommy and daddy pushed me less my life would be better!” But- of mommy and daddy push us less and we end up with a mediocre or unpleasant life- we lament that they were lax parents who didn’t give us what we needed to succeed.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
Ideally- as you say famousome- they would do both. They would push us to succeed but not so much as to hurt our well being. But that’s the thing with parenting- most parents will fall short of “perfection” or “ideal” as a parent is just a person who didn’t use birth control successfully. They were you and maybe a few years older when they were born. They never likely had all the answers or even a small fraction. They simply did the best they could- usually based on how they were raised and how they felt failed or empowered by their parents.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
So it is rather complex as these things tend to be. A parent won’t likely get it perfect- but it’s critical that parents are told- reminded- educated- to check themselves and their behavior- to actively parent. To pay attention to their child and know their child- to communicate with their child and understand them so that they can adjust their parenting not to what they want or expect- but to foster the best their child can do while trying not to ask too much for that specific human to handle.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
In the end though- the choices that shape us aren’t so clear. You don’t need my life story but I have been through some things- and I like who I am And where I am. Those experiences put me here, made me. I wouldn’t trade them because changing one would change who I am- no telling over decades how a tiny change would alter the trajectory of a life. Some people aren’t that lucky. It all depends.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
*to be clear I’m not saying it is good or ok to over burden kids. Im just saying it’s a deep well.
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