Famousone gives some good advice on this one in general. But hey- she may have just said that to you because she wanted to avoid confrontation, or didn’t know how to tell you without being mean that she wasn’t interested, or experience may have shown her that most guys she rejects go in to bargaining and asking questions about why or pestering her- and wanted to avoid that.
... or... she may have been telling the truth. Had “Chad” there walked up the same as the other guy- she may have said the same thing. But what if he didn’t? What if her car broke down and he helped her, or they work together, were studying together, etc? Sometimes we cant fit new people or “outside” people into our schedules, or take the risk- but “inside people” and “known commodities” we have room for.
You also must realize- and unless you believe you are the center of the universe this shouldn’t offend you- having time and making time aren’t the same thing. If you’re stressed and busy- you may tell your friend or a relative/compete stranger that you are too busy to listen to their story about a rude waiter. But you’d probably find or make the time and effort to comfort your buddy through the loss of their child right?
So forging a new relationship can involve stress, anxiety, frustration, and it can be emotionally and mentally draining- not to mention time consuming. But some people- they keep it light. They are low or no maintenance, casual- simple. It takes effort to get to know someone and connect- to see to their needs and be mindful of yourself and what’s going on. So maybe you’re just a complex person or come off that way- a person who has great value but... are complex. And maybe they want or need something simple? Who knows. Love is complicated.
Follow famousones advice in general here. Take care of yourself, put some effort into yourself and show self respect and self care (in general. Some people like the “grunge” thing or whatever.) and if you strike out- it’s who knows why? It just is. No need to see it as a reflection on you, or the other person. Hell- most folks don’t know their own hearts let alone could or would pour them out and be able to tell a stranger exactly what is going on in their minds. Sometimes the “right person” for that time just comes along- if that happens- it is what it is.
We all have something that someone else wants or needs. Even a complete train wreck mess- there are enough codependent folks and unhealthy folks out that, folks with low self worth who like partners that make them feel together or in control, folks that like projects. There are folks that just want something different than what they know- or want to piss off their families or whatever man. Sometimes when you miss your shot at someone- that’s actually a good thing. Probably most of the time actually. Keep your feet moving and your chin up. Paradoxically- if we don’t value ourselves- or at least can’t fake that we do- the world tends not to value us either. Don’t rely on external validation as your metric if self worth. Set goals, achieve them or don’t but learn in the process. This is how you build self worth. Being able to actualize your desires is a process- and it starts internally.
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