BEGONE

I’d say that in 2020 the “default” assumption in any form of “committed” or even moderate duration relationship is monogamy. Personally, I believe that if one doesn’t intend to be monogamous it should be communicated up front- even as simply as saying one doesn’t intend to only be with one person in the foreseeable future and intends to keep dating or already is.

That said however- that is an assumption by a monogamous person based on their worldview. Someone who is not exclusively monogamous or feels that it should be clear they are not, but has never explicitly said so, may feel differently or not even think about it.

If your partner habitually cheats and you habitually forgive- that’s a case where your words and actions do not align. I don’t justify or condone their cheating, but telling your friend they cannot vape in your house 1,000 times with little or no consequence is not the same as banning them from your house for doing it repeatedly, or even once. The doing it when you clearly say otherwise is disrespectful on their part, but your failure to set and enforce boundaries teaches others that it is ultimately “ok” to treat you that way.

So IMHO, you should make it very clear in a relationship if you expect monogamy as soon as you are at a point where that is something you want and are willing to give. If your words have any truth you must then give them meaning through your actions.