Daaaang. Perspective. That said-
Perhaps not accurate. There’s a big difference between being wealthy/financially well off and being struggling. One doesn’t have to have a lot of money or wealth to be financially stable.
“Struggling” implies you struggle to get by. You may be juggling bills, trying to keep up with debt and obligation, sometimes unsure or unable to pay bills until the last moment or keep your car running, your life on track. Struggling can mean you sometimes go days or weeks where you have no money to spend and subsist on minimal meals etc. if you are able to save, pay your bills, have some cushion, and can mostly go about your life responsibly and only worry about extravagant expenses but can “splurge” here and there as you like- you’re probably not struggling- You just may not be rich or wealthy.
I’ve dated people who made WAY more than me, I mean, people who literally had at least $10 million more in assets. I’ve dated people who have way less- earn maybe a quarter what I did, even had roommates and such things. They were different experiences for sure. How we view these things is personal, but to some degree money is important in any serious relationship. That is to say, 99% of serious long term relationships are between people who share goals, values, and priorities in key areas of life. HOW important money is depends on a lot of factors. If you live in a major world city area and want to own a home and have children and be able to travel and have nicer things and send those kids to good schools, eat well, etc etc- if you’re making $90,000 a year and your partner is making $40k that probably isn’t realistic if you stay there. On $90k you’d struggle if it were possible at all to have that life without inheriting wealth or property etc.
If you make $400k and they make $40k- well shiiiiit. If you just want an upper middle class life or a little better, that can work fine. At $400k you can shoulder the costs of upper middle class life for a small family. The rub is that someone who makes that sort of money and has done what needs done to do so- they’re probably used to better than upper middle class. They probably didn’t go through all they did and have the drive to get there because they wanted upper middle class. And that’s another issue- drive. This is where it gets very individual and circumstantial. Someone making $20-40k may be in school, may be starting a business or doing other things and those things have blossomed yet. They could be working on passion projects that don’t pay well but have a mission- youth programs, charity work, advocacy, etc. Someone who makes a lot of money is probably a driven and ambitious person. Often times such people don’t pair well with those who aren’t similarly driven and ambitious.
So WHY you have the earnings you do can matter too. That’s where values come in. A lawyer making huge money who takes cases for social or political causes might pair well with someone who doesn’t make a lot but is highly motivated and dedicated to charity or political causes. They can respect the values and work the other puts in to things, and both partners are busy and doing important work of the conscience, so they can understand each other and have insight to the world the other lives in at work. It’s less likely but totally possible a social justice lawyer and someone who works part time at a juice bar because it is enough money to live with their parents and they want time to watch their shows and sleep in will mesh on those levels.
So money in relationships can be complex, it is about more than money, it can be about drive, ambition, things that many people find lack of unattractive. It can be about the future, knowing that your partner can take care of bills if something happens to you and you lose your livelihood or you have children and need one of you to stay home
Etc. While money isn’t the only factor, money is one way to gauge the world someone walks in. The social circles and activities and other details of their life. Will they be comfortable or fit in with your friends or work life? Can they fit the dynamics of your life?
Priorities are important too. I mean, I’m not saying I condone it or condemn it, but a 40yo making half a million dollars a year the last couple decades can afford dalliances generally. Hell, a 40yo making ok money generally has enough money that they can impress most 18-20 year olds they’d meet working mall jobs or such. So this 40yo might not care to find a “best friend” or “soul mate” or someone to raise a family or share a life with. They might just want someone who is casual fun, available when they have time and able to be ignored when they don’t have time or mood, attractive, and that’s about it. If those are their priorities, a wealthy person can easily be happy with someone who makes much less. If that matches the priorities of the person who makes less- good on both of them I suppose. And again- not saying it’s right- but when you make a certain amount of money, it isn’t the end of the world necessarily to end up with an “accidental family.” Many of these people just…
… pay the upkeep and don’t bother putting time or attention in. It’s not so uncommon for wealthy people to have a kid or two they never see or don’t even know. There’s no laws in America that force a person to stay in a relationship with a co parent or even be in their child’s life. At a certain income, consequences become much less troublesome. There are few problems you can’t get past or around with enough money- even if morally or for other parties involved that isn’t the preferred solution. Which is another reason to consider money. Having money tends to change the way people think and behave. Many say it doesn’t. Sometimes it doesn’t. This is very rare. How many 50 year olds with well paying careers live like they are 22 working at a gas station? As you make more money you tend to pay for things that when you didn’t have money you would have said “no way, that’s a rip off..” even if you could actually afford them. It’s just how the brain works.
Ever have a problem and have someone (usually someone more financially comfortable) say something like: “just go buy a new one…” “just go rent a carpet steamer…” “just go on that trip anyway, life is too short..” etc? As someone who has lived with NO money, I was told by people “just buy a $20 ikea one for now..” things like that- because to them, they couldn’t understand $20 being something you didn’t have. $20 may as well be $2,000 if you don’t have it or a way to get it. Money does that. Router breaks? If you have money you sigh and go buy another router. A lot of people can’t do that. And then your friend says: “just buy a cheap $100 one of you don’t have the money…” but… your broken router was $70 and that’s the one you already can’t afford to replace…
… So money does change the way we live, the way we approach problems. Most wealthy people don’t have a bag full of plastic bags in the kitchen, a drawer full of every cable and adapter for every device they’ve owned for 20 years, or bags of rubber bands and part of their closet where the nice clothes they don’t fit anymore hang for years in case they shift weight or they have an emergency. They usually don’t keep their old phones in case their newer one breaks. There are lots of little behaviors that change when one lives a life where they can say “if I need one, I’ll just go get it…” if I go on a trip and forget my phone charger I just buy one. At 22 there’s no way I could or would pay $30+ for a little cable I already owned 5 or whatever of, just to change my phone a few days.
These are all examples of where money can make us think and act differently. It isn’t just the person who makes more money who should put some thought into relationship where incomes are so far off. Another personal example- when I was younger we’d go on trips or we’d go to the race track. We often shared rooms to save money- there might be 8 of us in the same room, some on cots or the floor, sharing beds with friends etc. sometimes when we travel with friends or go racing I want my own room for me and my partner or whatever reasons- but when possible I still try to split rooms. It’s less about the money and more that I enjoy my fiends company and the “sleep over” vibes and conversations. I know people who used to go and split rooms when we were younger who now that they can afford their own rooms, they hate splitting rooms. I know people who just won’t fly less than at least business class because they want leg room. Myself and many of my friends still have soft spots for the…
.. harsh and uncomfortable bucket sport cars we used to drive when we were young. Most of us who can still have at least one of the “old cars” and enjoy driving them. Some of my friends, some who were very into the whole thing- they even hate riding in such cars now. They make little comments or give looks etc. they’ll offer to drive or if it is a rental not to their standard they’ll offer to pay to upgrade. I enjoy driving crappy rentals from time to time like a Camry or a little Honda or something. I don’t get that experience in daily life and there is a charm to them. But- for many this sort of behavior can be annoying. Especially if there is an age and Income gap. It can at times seem “cool” or “fancy” to be with someone who rents a separate room from your friends on a trip, books separate travel or rents their own car etc- but… it can also not only rub people the wrong way, but it can rob group experiences and maybe sometimes embarrass or otherwise spoil things too. The attitudes
And outlooks and little differences between people with money and those without- especially when one person is used to money and the other is used to not having it, can cause all sorts of little issues and such. The type of person matters too- someone who will “rub it in your face” or make a point that they are putting more in, someone who makes references to how you spend “their money” or things aren’t equal is usually bad news. So sure, give some thought to money and what you want from life. Give some thought to cultural differences money can bring and what it means in a relationship. It’s all circumstantial and individual- but in the end, no, just because you make less or aren’t wealthy doesn’t mean you are “struggling.”
Perhaps not accurate. There’s a big difference between being wealthy/financially well off and being struggling. One doesn’t have to have a lot of money or wealth to be financially stable.
“Struggling” implies you struggle to get by. You may be juggling bills, trying to keep up with debt and obligation, sometimes unsure or unable to pay bills until the last moment or keep your car running, your life on track. Struggling can mean you sometimes go days or weeks where you have no money to spend and subsist on minimal meals etc. if you are able to save, pay your bills, have some cushion, and can mostly go about your life responsibly and only worry about extravagant expenses but can “splurge” here and there as you like- you’re probably not struggling- You just may not be rich or wealthy.
Etc. While money isn’t the only factor, money is one way to gauge the world someone walks in. The social circles and activities and other details of their life. Will they be comfortable or fit in with your friends or work life? Can they fit the dynamics of your life?