I mean, it is a subject worth some thought I think- though I personally might stop short of using the term “rape” to describe it as that might be a bit strong for the act or might perhaps weaken the word “rape.” To that point, often the word “rape” is considered interchangeable to the concept of “violation.” A person can feel violated by another without being raped- an obvious example is that many people have feelings of violation when they are victims of burglary or theft. The idea that someone was in your personal space doing whatever they wanted can be very violating, but calling theft “rape” probably wouldn’t be a good way to go as it blurs the lines between acts a bit much. You can FEEL violated because a person innocently bumped into you, looked in your direction, made a joke etc. a FEELING of violation doesn’t necessarily mean a person committed a crime let alone did anything wrong or malicious. Your FEELINGS, are your own, just as you can feel sad at any reason or angry.
Would someone feel violated if they found out you were fantasizing about them? A lot of people would. Would you feel ashamed or embarrassed if a person you fantasized about without their knowledge found out? A lot of people would. Is it “wrong”? Well… for the time being, what happens in your head is your business so long as you keep it there. Does that make it ok if you keep it there? I dunnoh. It’s probably better that someone doesn’t shoot you a school and just say dreams about it- but most people still would think it best if no one was daydreaming about shooting up schools. But that’s sort of a sticky thing isn’t it? Fantasy can be a form of escape or coping right? We dream about things we can’t have or don’t have. We may fantasize about something and it isn’t about that exact thing- it can be about something else like a feeling or powerlessness or inadequacy or frustration. Most people will have at least one fantasy in their life that they might feel shock or shame at.
For a lot of people it can be about those feeling of shock or shame, having some desire to experience the feelings but not REALLY experience them. Rape is a popular fantasy. I’ve met quite a few women who have rape fantasies. The fact that they fantasize about it doesn’t mean they’d enjoy it in real life. Many fantasies are only enjoyable BECAUSE they aren’t real. People have kinks. Some people fantasize about being junkies or being unfaithful or being cheated on or being cucked or being eaten alive as a sex act- but almost none of those people actually want to be eaten alive. They probably wouldn’t enjoy it in real life. It’s the IDEA or something about the IDEA. So fantasy can be a sign of mental or personal short comings or issues- or it can be a “harmless” coping mechanism or escape. Which is sexual fantasies about others..?
Tough call. You can leer at someone right? Like- most people but the most for hard incels or most sexually unfettered will agree that there is a suck thing as an “inappropriate” or “predatory” gaze. Even if you might say “I would never feel that way” or “people need to be less sensitive…” are you really telling me that there isn’t a way that a person could look up and down your mother or sister or brother or spouse that you wouldn't ever consider inappropriate? There is absolutely no person on earth that could look at you or your loved ones in a way that you would be upset over, want to or actually confront them over to stop them…? There almost certainly is. We know that words can be inappropriate and violating. So- we know that we can violate others and others can make us feel violated without physical contact. Violation doesn’t mean rape- but it’s still violation isn’t it?
So let’s keep it simple. Picture someone in your life you care about, your mother, father, sister, brother, little niece, lover, whatever. If you found out someone was masturbating to their picture- would you be upset? Would you feel violated? What if it was the skeeviest creepiest perviest most disgusting person you can think of? What if it was someone you trusted with them? What if your child’s teacher or babysitter or your best friend who takes your kid or souse out sometimes etc and comes over for dinners was masturbating to pictures of your loved one? Is that any different than masturbating to memories of them? Would it be better if instead of a fave book photo you found out your best friend was masturbating to the memory of your sisters breast when it slipped out in the hospital while they were there welcoming your new nephew into the world?
You’ll you still be upset or feel violated if it was a memory or imagined version of your loved one vs. a picture? Probably yeah?
So for the love of pete- I can’t believe what a hard concept this seems to be for people today… if you know you might not like it, and you know other people probably won’t like it… do we need to argue over politics and semantics? Just don’t fucking do it and there isn’t a problem. I mean- we all have a thought slip in to our heads sometimes.Maybe it’s for just a second or maybe we can’t control it and we take it on a ride a bit. Ok. It happens. But if you’re actively conjuring these thoughts, if you’re repeatedly reveling in them- that’s probably not ok right? That’s not an accident or a moment of lapse or an impulse. That’s a habit or a choice. There are thousands and thousands of human beings of all types and configurations who make their living, or just for their own reasons, encourage you to fantasize about them.
They literally wake up, get prettied up, and take off their clothes or wear erotic outfits and prance around or have literal sex for money all with the express intent that you will fantasize about it. Pick one of them. Find someone who wants just you to fantasize about them and go live a happy life together and fantasize about them all you want.
There are so many options of ways to fantasize about people without being a creeper that it’s pretty hard to conceive of any reasons to do otherwise unless one actually is, if even unintentionally, a creeper for not choosing one of those ways.
Now- probably every kid at some point growing up is going to have those fantasies. Not every kid has access to erotica and it’s common to pull fantasies from those people and faces around us. I’m not saying that anyone who’s ever fantasized about another person without that person knowing is a creeper. Heck, a lot of us find people we hope are thinking about us that way. Isn’t it often that way in…
.. dating? Two people might be feeling each other and fantasizing about what the other looks like nude or how they feel or what they want to do etc. it might be odd to start a date with: “I’m not expecting or promising sex, but if I have a good time I’d really like to start to fantasize about you- pre heat the oven a bit so that we might have intense passionate sex while I’m all horned up and frustrated from an evening of controlling myself…” I mean- some people would love a date to start like that, but for most of would be odd. The point is that there are cases where we maybe want the other person to fantasize about us, but we can’t really tell them most of the time- a cute stranger or a date or a friend of a friend we want to think we are attractive or whatever. A lot of us would be flattered to know people fantasize about us. So it’s not a universal condemnation or anything. I guess it has its nuances, but end of day we generally have a good idea when it is just plain unwelcome…
.. and maybe that’s enough that we should try to respect the other person wether it is rape or not- it can feel violating to know and even if they don’t know, we know right? So are you the sort of person who things it is ok to do wrong or do things someone won’t like if they won’t know? Like- your spouse or girl/boy friend might feel angry and violated if you cheated right? But if they don’t find out and you don’t get a disease or any unwanted babies by someone else- what harm is there? How does that hurt them, especially if they never know? But you know. You know you did something they probably wouldn’t like. So I mean- to each their own I guess.
Tl:Dr it can be an interesting topic to think on and there’s lots of nuance. At the end of the day, just because someone feels violated doesn’t mean they were raped- having your diary read can feel violating but that’s not rape.
That said, you know people probably won’t appreciate you fantasizing about them without their consent if they knew, and you probably don’t want them to know. That tells you a lot. If you cheat on your spouse and get no diseases or babies and they don’t find out- that doesn’t hurt them or even involve them in anyway- but if you knew they’d be upset, would it still be ok to cheat? Just because someone isn’t physically involved and won’t know doesn’t make something ok, you know what you did even if they don’t. It’s up to the individual. It’s your head and for now, what’s up their is your business. Just know that if it’s ok to imagine sex with someone without their consent that you think it’s ok for someone else to imagine sex with you loved ones…
.. your little nephew who’s going into 4th grade or your sister… if you think it’s alright to fantasize about your classmate or coworker or friend then it’s ok for you classmate or friend etc. to fantasize about your mom or your brother etc. if those ideas sound sick or wrong to you- if you don’t think that a guy in an old truck watching the playground and picturing those kids naked isn’t doing anything wrong- you might need to re-examine your views.
So for the love of pete- I can’t believe what a hard concept this seems to be for people today… if you know you might not like it, and you know other people probably won’t like it… do we need to argue over politics and semantics? Just don’t fucking do it and there isn’t a problem. I mean- we all have a thought slip in to our heads sometimes.Maybe it’s for just a second or maybe we can’t control it and we take it on a ride a bit. Ok. It happens. But if you’re actively conjuring these thoughts, if you’re repeatedly reveling in them- that’s probably not ok right? That’s not an accident or a moment of lapse or an impulse. That’s a habit or a choice. There are thousands and thousands of human beings of all types and configurations who make their living, or just for their own reasons, encourage you to fantasize about them.
There are so many options of ways to fantasize about people without being a creeper that it’s pretty hard to conceive of any reasons to do otherwise unless one actually is, if even unintentionally, a creeper for not choosing one of those ways.
Now- probably every kid at some point growing up is going to have those fantasies. Not every kid has access to erotica and it’s common to pull fantasies from those people and faces around us. I’m not saying that anyone who’s ever fantasized about another person without that person knowing is a creeper. Heck, a lot of us find people we hope are thinking about us that way. Isn’t it often that way in…
That said, you know people probably won’t appreciate you fantasizing about them without their consent if they knew, and you probably don’t want them to know. That tells you a lot. If you cheat on your spouse and get no diseases or babies and they don’t find out- that doesn’t hurt them or even involve them in anyway- but if you knew they’d be upset, would it still be ok to cheat? Just because someone isn’t physically involved and won’t know doesn’t make something ok, you know what you did even if they don’t. It’s up to the individual. It’s your head and for now, what’s up their is your business. Just know that if it’s ok to imagine sex with someone without their consent that you think it’s ok for someone else to imagine sex with you loved ones…