I get what is being said here for sure. Though… “Hurt people hurt people” is just sort of a “clever” turn of phrase that is less meant to finish the hurt and more meant to call for consideration- that when someone is hurtful to us it is often or even usually because they themselves are somehow hurt. So yes, not all hurt people hurt others but it is common that people who hurt others do so from a place of their own unaddressed hurt.
We can pick a few more bones. The idea that hurtful people hurt others is also not correct and problematic. It is much as “hurt people hurt people”, an attempt at clever word play to raise awareness. That is to say: people often hurt others with no malice or hurtfulness. Earnest people, kind people, all manner of people hurt others. For example- you may be helping someone out like giving them money- in a context which enables bad choices or hinders self reliance or growth.
You might withhold help from someone for their ultimate benefit. Both these examples result in some form of hurt, now or later. There are many examples where we can give attention or attempt to be thoughtful or well mannered and can cause hurt. It’s also possible to hurt others simply by “being.” There are numerous examples of this. Direct one’s such as being out and having fun with family or a loved one where someone else is lonely or has lost their own close person and is reminded by seeing us enjoying what they don’t have. Indirectly such as how I live on a developed nation and am writing this on a cell phone. My choices and my existence and lifestyle cause and rely on the hurt of others like those exploited to make this device.
In that sense I suppose we could still say hurtful people hurt others- but only if we extend the label of hurtful to essentially all humans living, dead, and unborn.
Lastly: “hurt people are not the problem..”
Well… we might say they are not the cause of the problem, people being hurt certainly can be seen as a problem. And of course, many people would jump at some science or magic that resulted in them not being able to be hurt. Of course… if one isn’t able to be hurt… does that mean they are invincible or that they simply don’t feel the wound? If you don’t feel the pain from a stab- you might not realize it until infection or blood loss became fatal right? And we know emotionally- as the phrase “hurt people hurt people” often implies- people can suffer abuse or trauma and be effected very profoundly and negatively and not even realize they went through it. A common thing amongst emotional trauma survivors- especially those who endure it in their youth, they may later in therapy or otherwise come to realize that what they thought was “healthy” or “normal” was not.
For many people, part of therapy is realizing ways that their traumas and experiences have impacted their behavior and decisions and personality in ways that until they face them, often with a skilled therapist, they never would have realized. A child who cared for a parent who was an addict may realize they are an enabler or that they are codependent. A child who grew up without “rules” may realize that they have boundary issues because they never knew boundaries. Often being passive aggressive, withholding, all sorts of things can be traced to trauma or experiences of hurt we didn’t realize. Attention seeking can manifest in all manner of unhealthy ways and there are all sorts of “hurt” that we may not recognize as hurt. Some people never try to understand or explore their deeper feelings about things or they dismiss their own feelings and call that “moving past it” when they haven’t addressed the matter and aren’t truly ok with it.
I mean in the end, no, not every person who hurts another person does so out of hurt- but not every person who hurts another is a “hurtful person,” when we subscribe to these little “clever” sayings there is going to be inaccuracy and problems. Like many things the context is important. If one says: “Hurt people hurt people” when referring to a case where someone is doing so out of hurt, and especially in an attempt to bring understanding and compassion that this person whom one might think is just some “hurtful jerk” is actually a person who is suffering and may be unable to identify or address their hurt- it doesn’t justify their actions but it does change the perspective of who they are as a person and where they are coming from, and perhaps can create a bridge by reminding us to be kind because we all go through struggles.
We can pick a few more bones. The idea that hurtful people hurt others is also not correct and problematic. It is much as “hurt people hurt people”, an attempt at clever word play to raise awareness. That is to say: people often hurt others with no malice or hurtfulness. Earnest people, kind people, all manner of people hurt others. For example- you may be helping someone out like giving them money- in a context which enables bad choices or hinders self reliance or growth.
Well… we might say they are not the cause of the problem, people being hurt certainly can be seen as a problem. And of course, many people would jump at some science or magic that resulted in them not being able to be hurt. Of course… if one isn’t able to be hurt… does that mean they are invincible or that they simply don’t feel the wound? If you don’t feel the pain from a stab- you might not realize it until infection or blood loss became fatal right? And we know emotionally- as the phrase “hurt people hurt people” often implies- people can suffer abuse or trauma and be effected very profoundly and negatively and not even realize they went through it. A common thing amongst emotional trauma survivors- especially those who endure it in their youth, they may later in therapy or otherwise come to realize that what they thought was “healthy” or “normal” was not.