Generally speaking I’m going to agree with the guy here- BUT, I will say that there are exceptions. As I’ve said before I don’t generally believe in ultimatums in relationships to force people to your preferences, however there are cases where someone’s behavior is harmful to them or you as a couple. For example- telling someone their drinking is out of hand and you will support them in quitting or getting under control but cannot stay with them if they continue to be an alcoholic. In that same vein- I don’t know this guy or this couple. So if this guys gaming is getting in the way of his ability to conduct a relationship or his life, or he is neglecting things he’s committed to or responsibilities he’s agreed to because of his gaming- I think the woman is well inside her rights because in that case, gaming, drinking, drugs, hobbies, etc. the CAUSE isn’t really important and it isn’t trivial when…
A person is breaking their word or being self destructive. If you miss your kids big game or an important event in your partners life- what does it matter if it was because you were drinking and too drunk or passed out to make it, or if you lost track of time playing Skyrim?
So I mean- if it’s just because you consider gaming “childish” or “a waste of time” then sure- giving someone crap about it when you wouldn’t be upset if they were watching sports or fishing or something instead is pretty petty.
There is a gray area- one where… well- I once lived with a partner who made half as much as I did. At that time I made a decent wage but not great, but it was fairly early in my career. She would get upset because I played games and watched movies and read books and did my other hobbies after work and on weekends. She said that time could be used to get further degrees and certificates or do contract work or start a business or research investments or network or other “constructive”
Things towards a goal of bettering my earnings and career. She wasn’t wrong, and she spent most of her time off work doing such things, but the fact that she did all that work and made half as much as me was sort of a case where I felt maybe her advice applied to her but not so much in my case as I was rather happy with the balance I’d found between earnings and free time.
But it was true that perhaps we had different goals or levels of ambition. So in that case it wasn’t so much about my games or hobbies, and it wasn’t a case where I wasn’t present in our relationship- I did chores and cleaned and cooked and made lots of time to spend with her- she rarely took that time though as she was so focussed on “bettering” herself that she didn’t have a lot of time for just “hanging out” or even dates and quality time.
But it wasn’t trivial either. In that case- it wasn’t about games or hobbies but about what she wanted in life and a relationship and she wanted a partner who also wanted..
.. and valued those things as she did. When we’d talk it often made things awkward. She didn’t keep up with pop culture or play games or have hobbies asides from learning languages and reading about companies and economics and such or studying things relating to her career. Me talking about my day, I usually would talk about cool things I’d watched or read, fun moments of my hobbies or puzzles I’d solved or discoveries I’d made in my hobbies- and she didn’t find that interesting or relatable. She’s want to talk about mergers and trends in modern management or the job market, or about financial indexes and such and I could do that for a certain depth and length but often I found it boring beyond a point because I pay other people to invest my money for me and only need to know enough to make sure they aren’t fleecing me. I don’t really care if there is a 29% increase in attrition in hiring for start ups or whatever because I am not looking to work at a start up and if I was I don’t…
.. know or care about who they are saying no to or why. I’m going to apply for the companies that I want to work for and ask for what my services go for and they can pay it or get someone who is maybe better and probably worse- and I’ll still likely be fine. So it seemed a bit pointless to me. But- there in lies the problem. To her my priorities were out of alignment because my priorities were things like “little moments” as a couple and sharing laughs and watching good movies. Hers were pushing ahead and making more wealth. I don’t think either of us were wrong, and a balance of both is probably best- but our ideas of balance were different.
So maybe the guy is right. Maybe the girl is right. Maybe it’s a matter of perspective here. I don’t know their relationship or lives well enough to say.
So I mean- if it’s just because you consider gaming “childish” or “a waste of time” then sure- giving someone crap about it when you wouldn’t be upset if they were watching sports or fishing or something instead is pretty petty.
There is a gray area- one where… well- I once lived with a partner who made half as much as I did. At that time I made a decent wage but not great, but it was fairly early in my career. She would get upset because I played games and watched movies and read books and did my other hobbies after work and on weekends. She said that time could be used to get further degrees and certificates or do contract work or start a business or research investments or network or other “constructive”
But it was true that perhaps we had different goals or levels of ambition. So in that case it wasn’t so much about my games or hobbies, and it wasn’t a case where I wasn’t present in our relationship- I did chores and cleaned and cooked and made lots of time to spend with her- she rarely took that time though as she was so focussed on “bettering” herself that she didn’t have a lot of time for just “hanging out” or even dates and quality time.
But it wasn’t trivial either. In that case- it wasn’t about games or hobbies but about what she wanted in life and a relationship and she wanted a partner who also wanted..