Well of course it is. Dating and sexual selection are generally based in discrimination. Not too many people will date or have sex with anyone or anything that asks or is available. Wether it is beliefs or finances or habits or looks or gender or smell or one of the many other criteria that can contribute to attraction or to us wanting to date or have sex with a person, we tend to be at least somewhat selective with our partners.
So this gets back to an age old debate about dating and race- “not being attracted to XYZ race” or “not dating outside your race” etc. often that is used as “short hand” because people lack the ability to articulate a thought or don’t want or feel like being precise, and often it is not.
The distinction in my mind is clear- you may not find certain features or styles of dress etc. common to a group attractive and there isn’t anything racist about that. Many Europeans have big noses genetically, if you don’t like big noses you may dislike most Europeans looks. Let’s say that you met a European who didn’t have a big nose- at that point you wouldn’t have a reason to not date them if they were otherwise to your standards so it isn’t that you “don’t date Europeans” it is that you don’t date people with big noses.
Perhaps you want someone with similar culture and values. You don’t want to have to compromise and fight or explain every tradition and holiday and basic manner.
Dating someone of the same cultural background- perhaps religion, ethnicity, country of origin or ancestry or even someone from a rural setting versus urban or such can help make it more likely you share experiences and values and customs and such. That all makes sense and also isn’t a case where you refuse to date anyone else- you would just need to feel or know that person understood and fit in and shared these things to a level like you.
However when we say “no,” when we meet someone who has the culture and language and knowledge and/or appearance traits we prefer and happens to be from a different “group” and we say no simply for their group identity- there is a strong case for prejudice. It does get interesting with gender though. As I say above- you can have a heterosexual best friend who shares your hobbies, supports you emotionally or even financially, is good with your family, you get along and have a stable relationship for decades, you have similar dreams and goals etc...
But you just aren’t sexually or perhaps romantically attracted to them because you just aren’t attracted to people of the same gender. Is that a prejudice? Maybe? Perhaps one day we will live in a society where people just love entirely on personality and compatibility. We are already approaching a world where it could be possible for almost any two people regardless of biological sex to have generic offspring together. So we need to push that though? It will happen or it won’t, and if it did it probably wouldn’t be in any of our lifetimes or likely several after that or more.
At the end of the day of you refuse to date a trans person strictly because they are trans then that is probably prejudice.
If you refuse to date a trans person because they cannot have your children and you want generic offspring with a partner, because you don’t find that particular person attractive, because you don’t like the genitals they have, because you don’t get along or see eye to eye on important issue or share enough in common or because of other reasons that may or may not be related to being trans- that’s probably not prejudice just regular selective discrimination in sex and relationships. It is also my personal opinion that there is nothing wrong with admitting you cannot or do not want to handle a relationship. Almost all relationships bring complications but some carry specific complications.
If your partner has a health condition you have to live with it too. That can mean uncertainty about the future, costs, emotional ups and downs, restrictions and moods and all sorts of things. If your partner has a disability or difference in ability that can bring certain realities. If a person is an airline pilot or oil rig worker or a myriad of other jobs that often means you will go long stretches of time without them being there or perhaps even being able to contact them. If they are in the military staying together may mean moving around, it may mean various other things and like a police or emergency responder they may not return from work one day at a higher risk than many other jobs.
If your partner is trans there are various social and other things that tend to come along with that. It is also the case that many trans persons aren’t always the way you see them in public or on stage- so even if you identify as “straight” and find them attractive as a woman- depending on…
.. their particulars of their transition etc. you may wake up or do chores around the house or be tending to a sick person in bed who looks very different- which can be said of most relationships as people tend to look different dolled up for a date than when they have the flu- but in this case your partner might look like a man. That isn’t an insult- my point is that it is usually best to be honest with yourself and others about what you can handle. I’ll speak from a male perspective to a male perspective but females or others can change the gender terms to speak to them. How would you feel if a lesbian decides she wanted to “try being straight” and you fell in love and were making plans long term and loving life and then they came home one day and said: “hey, thanks. I’m glad I got to try that and now I know this definitely isn’t for me. I’m going back to women. Move out date is the 31st…” your life and emotions thrown in turmoil because this person wanted to “try something.”
So wether they are trans or disabled or have some health condition or mental health issue or whatever else- it isn’t very respectful or kind to decide you’re going to use someone to experiment unless everyone understands that and even then it can end badly of allowed to get too serious before you have made up your mind.
So if you don’t want to date a trans person because you aren’t sure you can handle various social or political or daily life etc. issues around that- it’s no different in my mind than not dating a politician or celebrity because you don’t want to deal with the lifestyle and what it generally entails.
So to me prejudice Vs. Discrimination in dating comes down to wether you have considered the person as a human being and wether you are rejecting them for some inherent aspect of self or some ancillary aspect which may or may not relate to their inherent self.
The distinction in my mind is clear- you may not find certain features or styles of dress etc. common to a group attractive and there isn’t anything racist about that. Many Europeans have big noses genetically, if you don’t like big noses you may dislike most Europeans looks. Let’s say that you met a European who didn’t have a big nose- at that point you wouldn’t have a reason to not date them if they were otherwise to your standards so it isn’t that you “don’t date Europeans” it is that you don’t date people with big noses.
Perhaps you want someone with similar culture and values. You don’t want to have to compromise and fight or explain every tradition and holiday and basic manner.
However when we say “no,” when we meet someone who has the culture and language and knowledge and/or appearance traits we prefer and happens to be from a different “group” and we say no simply for their group identity- there is a strong case for prejudice. It does get interesting with gender though. As I say above- you can have a heterosexual best friend who shares your hobbies, supports you emotionally or even financially, is good with your family, you get along and have a stable relationship for decades, you have similar dreams and goals etc...
If you refuse to date a trans person because they cannot have your children and you want generic offspring with a partner, because you don’t find that particular person attractive, because you don’t like the genitals they have, because you don’t get along or see eye to eye on important issue or share enough in common or because of other reasons that may or may not be related to being trans- that’s probably not prejudice just regular selective discrimination in sex and relationships. It is also my personal opinion that there is nothing wrong with admitting you cannot or do not want to handle a relationship. Almost all relationships bring complications but some carry specific complications.
If your partner is trans there are various social and other things that tend to come along with that. It is also the case that many trans persons aren’t always the way you see them in public or on stage- so even if you identify as “straight” and find them attractive as a woman- depending on…
So if you don’t want to date a trans person because you aren’t sure you can handle various social or political or daily life etc. issues around that- it’s no different in my mind than not dating a politician or celebrity because you don’t want to deal with the lifestyle and what it generally entails.
So to me prejudice Vs. Discrimination in dating comes down to wether you have considered the person as a human being and wether you are rejecting them for some inherent aspect of self or some ancillary aspect which may or may not relate to their inherent self.