So I mean- an elementary (aka grade aka primary) school education or maybe even an episode of the magic school bus or something is all that is needed to know better- no degree in genetic engineering required. So that’s pretty bad. That said- while his reasoning is patently false- the conclusion that wanting a boy (or girl etc.) child is not sexist is theoretically sound. It’s a bit like choosing between falafel and pizza- is a preference for one over the other racist or prejudiced? I guess it depends on why you chose right? If you picked one because you are prejudiced against the other culture then probably. If you just like cheese and tomato sauce and a soft warm doughy crust then you probably won’t find those with Falafel and if you don’t want those things pizza is probably out.
There can be gender issues and potentially bias inherent to preference in sex for a child- “I want to do boy things!” Etc. Which are rooted in a conservative or traditional idea of gender roles since realistically you can provide your child with any toys or participate in most any type of activity regardless of gender and there is no more guarantee that a boy raised around hunting or fishing or sports will like them any more than a girl. That said- there are certain realities- it is highly likely in western society that your child’s peers will generally have certain “touchstones” based in gender roles- so while one is free to raise a child any way they like one may or may not be setting down ground work that might make it easier or harder for children to relate and integrate to peers as they enter school etc. it is also the case that regardless of upbringing once children start to form their own social bonds that they are likely to respond to social pressures and cues to conform..
.. closer to their peer groups. In other words you might raise a little boy wearing dresses and pink and playing with dolls but as he enters school and starts to try and make friends he may or may not change his perceptions and preferences to fit those of his peers. If his peers are “open minded” or of similar upbringing then it is more likely this dress wearing son will continue to want to wear dresses. If they are teased and have difficulties making friends then they may reject their upbringing and demand to be given an experience that conforms closer to their peers.
When all is said and done- the parents and upbringing, the child and their personality and processing both shape the child’s development and ideas on gender roles and their place in the world, but to some degree most of us are shaped by the world itself and how it reacts to us and what acceptance we find- even if that shape is that we take on a “counter cultural role” as the “outsider” as part of their identity and reject conformity and social norms as a sort of defensive response to rejection.
It is undeniable that there are also certain biological realities of sex of a child.
Women can get pregnant generally- when I was young I told my father that I hoped my first child would be a girl. He told me: “no father has ever been kept up late on prom night worried his son might come home pregnant.” While I see some truth there I rejected the idea and when it wether a daughter might choose to birth a child is her personal life choice. That does illustrate some realities though. You don’t generally need to provide menstrual products to make children nor deal with any logistical or emotional complications or menstruation for example. A large number of women will say they’d rather not deal with a period and men through history have spoken on the experience of how a woman’s menstruation can effect them- so wanting a child that won’t likely menstruate could be a matter of practicality.
It may seem silly- perhaps it is- I’m not saying that should be or is the thought in every parents mind- but I am saying that when you start to look at things from a perspective of a parent wanting their child to have a life relatively free of issues and well lived- there are many factors to consider. One thing that a long term ex partner considered when she spoke on the subject of gender in a child- was that based on her experiences like a woman in our society that she was concerned about the sorts of experiences and challenges a female child would face as she grew. Historically many cultures can be unkind to women or place certain expectations and such. As stated earlier- no one HAS to follow or place stock on these things, but you still must live in a world where other people have their ideas and there are elements of inertia from tradition.
Simply put, while people argue over the extent and severity of things like pay gap or opportunity or treatment and harassment by gender- we do know anecdotally that many women report these things as hardships they at least perceive and there is quantifiable evidence to suggest and support that regardless of the details on prevalence or severity that women face certain inequities and challenges based on gender. Simply put it is an idealist or an activist dreaming or working towards a world where that isn’t the case, but as a matter of pragmatism one might prefer a male child simply because they know that they won’t likely face those hardships that tend to be specific or more directed towards women. I’m not here to argue for or against “male privilege.” All I can say is that I don’t feel like being born male and living life that way has caused me any particular hardship that was specific to my gender or terribly difficult on me emotionally or otherwise.
I have at various times experienced gender bias in terms of things like being told as a child that certain toys or shows were for girls even if I enjoyed them, or that my behavior wasn’t manly etc. in certain cases, but at least in my case I didn’t find any of that particularly damaging because I’ve always had a strong self determination and found friends who were accepting of who I am, or made it clear to people that who I am will not change to meet their standards, and have faced little set back or issue I’ve noticed asides perhaps some lost dates from women who considered me odd or not to their standards of manliness. So from my perspective I don’t feel like there is any great challenge in the life of a man based on his birth.
Perhaps we can be drafted. I have never been drafted along with most men who turned 18 after 1970 or so. Perhaps men have less earnings potential or more difficulty finding gainful employment in erotic or adult services, so sure- we can say women can generally more easily monetize their looks with only fans or stripping or sex work, perhaps they are more in demand or well compensated as doms or women might be able to gain social media boosts easier through sexuality or whatever claims one may make- but none of that has particularly influenced my life save perhaps that I may well have become at least a part time stripper if the opportunity to strip was more accessible and seemed more lucrative to me.
To be clear I am not saying it is “better” to be a man or anything of the sort- I am saying that at least my own experiences and perspectives in where I live and the time span I’ve lived lead me to conclude it is generally easier to be a man doing what he more or less wants without undue consideration of external factors or how one can succeed in society while doing so.
I have been judged for wearing out of fashion suits or clothing with certain circles or for having my hair too long or too wild for the tastes of a boss or such, but rarely and not generally in my day to day life in any meaningful way. I’ve never felt a need or pressure to learn or apply make up. It is acceptable for me to forgo shaving for some period or to leave my eyebrows unplucked.
In my career and in my personal and romantic life I’ve general found the standards of grooming and professionalism or present ability to be fairly lax. I’m particularly conservative circles or work places it can be much stricter- but contrast that to more informal offices which still often hold stricter standards of what is officially or unofficial considered appropriate for women and often times there is an imbalance. Even in such places where a woman might say she can “get away with” some “light eye liner and maybe lips” or such- I have never felt any such pressure that going to a netting without my eyes lined may cost me credibility or a promotion down the road. So that’s my take on it.
We tend to live in a sexist world. It is entirely possible that a person might have a gender preference for their child based in sexism or sexist ideas and ways of thought- but we must also consider that by and large the world is and has been historically sexist. Even if we say that certain countries had little or no sexism in the modern age- how do you know your child will stay in one country their whole lives? Only encounter people from those countries who have those views? If you knew for a fact that your child would grow up to travel the world- would you feel safer or more comfortable knowing they were going to Iran as a man or a woman? Would you feel safer knowing they were going to live and marry in a country with similar laws or culture if they were a man or a woman?
Personally, I never had any intent of providing a child an easy life. You generally love your kids and want them to be happy and not unsafe or sad- but I have no illusions the world is kind or that kids will always make good choices. I always have embraced the idea of raising strong and self determined women who would decide their own paths and decide what if any degree they wanted to accept or disrupt the way of the world. Being born a woman isn’t a curse and I don’t see it that way. That said- I’m not going to fault someone who thinks differently and for their own reasons would prefer another gender or hope for a certain set of traits in a child that might make their path in the world easier or mitigate certain possible challenges. So long as whatever a lesson wants they love and embrace the child they get I think it is what it is.
Women can get pregnant generally- when I was young I told my father that I hoped my first child would be a girl. He told me: “no father has ever been kept up late on prom night worried his son might come home pregnant.” While I see some truth there I rejected the idea and when it wether a daughter might choose to birth a child is her personal life choice. That does illustrate some realities though. You don’t generally need to provide menstrual products to make children nor deal with any logistical or emotional complications or menstruation for example. A large number of women will say they’d rather not deal with a period and men through history have spoken on the experience of how a woman’s menstruation can effect them- so wanting a child that won’t likely menstruate could be a matter of practicality.
I have been judged for wearing out of fashion suits or clothing with certain circles or for having my hair too long or too wild for the tastes of a boss or such, but rarely and not generally in my day to day life in any meaningful way. I’ve never felt a need or pressure to learn or apply make up. It is acceptable for me to forgo shaving for some period or to leave my eyebrows unplucked.