How is it it different than men wearing workout clothes and posing? That isn’t me challenging you- it’s a rhetorical in the same line as your question. It isn’t a hard concept to grasp, many of these “culture wars” and “social issues” come down to things we teach children but as adults seem to forget or think they don’t apply. It is rude to stare. The kid with the limp, the kid who peed their pants, the lady with her figure or skin showing, the guy with the AR headset. Yes, some people WANT us to stare. The person driving the gold plated Ferrari to Starbucks probably didn’t buy it for the comfort or for the driving joy- maybe, but good odds a bright gold exotic car is a cry for attention. The gold car, the bright hair, the wall of tattoos and piercings, the form fitting clothes- did this person do it for attention or did they do it because that is just an expression of them? Who knows.
One thing I do know is… it isn’t polite to stare. This person is sexy- ok. And maybe your dinner looks delicious but wouldn’t it be creepy, even if you’re taking pics for your social or whatever- for me to be staring at it with a hungry longing or hanging over your shoulder? I mean- It’s a touch sexist for me to say- but I feel most men or women probably wouldn’t be super thrilled if strangers were eye banging their moms or daughters or sisters or lovers. The common deflection is “my <relationship> wouldn’t be dressed like/acting like that!”
But like- what? If they aren’t head to toe covered, you’d still be able to stare at a face or some aspect of them. So that’s not really a defense other than “it’s ok to stare at people who don’t dress LIKE ME.”
So that’s a dumb thing to say.
And even if they are head to toe covered someone could still stare at their eyes- which depending on your feelings might even be worse than staring at their body, perhaps if not worse than bolder or more u comfortable and obvious. It’s just an all around fail. Yes, we notice things. People are going to look. We especially tend to do so when things are either uncommon to us or have our interest. The term “objectification” is such a buzzword cliche now but that’s what the word means- what it is for. You stare at a car or a painting or a tree if they are interesting or odd and that is maybe ok- because they are objects. When you say “well this person is acting or looking a way that would grab attention so of course people will stare and comment…” well no. We don’t really do that to people. We do that to objects. Hence the word.
It’s not so hard to understand that we all tend to have things we want to share to at least some people, but we don’t want to share with EVERYONE.
The concept isn’t that foreign. I feel, I’d like to think, most people wouldn’t say: “well, if you have such a house of course people will peek in your windows…”
Like- yes. We have curtains for when we want to be sure people aren’t peeping in our homes, but generally someone looking through your kids windows isn’t like- “well, that’s not on them, me or the kids should have closed the blinds…” I think most people open their blinds once in awhile to enjoy the weather or cool off etc- otherwise why have windows and not vents or solid walls..? And I mean- we have privacy blinds and door locks not to keep out folks who wouldn’t go barging into others spaces- they exist because sadly we can’t rely on every person being decent right? But that’s the key there. Decent. Maybe it shouldn’t be a complete surprise to all but the most idealistic or sheltered that if they leave their blinds open someone may peep- but are they inviting peeping? Do we judge the person being peeped on or the peeper?
End of day it comes down to decency. A stripper got up and went to work a job where they make their money by people staring at them. However one feels about that, everyone in the building knows the deal. There is an agreement. That same stripper probably would feel differently about being ogled for free by anyone in eye shot on their day off. On the pole you can burn a hole through the wall with your gaze if you’re a paying customer- but do that at the park and inarguably you are a creep.
So people are going to do what they are going to do. We don’t control that. We control us. I don’t need to know or care why a stranger is dressed as they like. In the gym as is mostly true of life, what are YOU there for and who are YOU? I go to the gym to work out and finish up as quickly as I can while doing my training right. Some people do it to relax or get alone time and others go to hang out with friends or take pictures or whatever.
I don’t know or care what you’re doing as long as you aren’t unnecessarily stopping me from doing what I came to do. I didn’t come to ogle women. The gym isn’t for that, of the many things you can do there, it is for working out above all. I presume the women there came to work out and not be leered at. If they want to be leered at there are better places for it. It becomes very simple. Handle your business and keep out of other peoples as much as possible. You can look at people, we can notice things. We can appreciate beauty around us in people and things, but there is a difference between noticing someone and staring or leering or judging or making remarks etc.
It’s all kids stuff and many adults are not even as mentally developed as kids in their manners and thinking.
But like- what? If they aren’t head to toe covered, you’d still be able to stare at a face or some aspect of them. So that’s not really a defense other than “it’s ok to stare at people who don’t dress LIKE ME.”
So that’s a dumb thing to say.
It’s not so hard to understand that we all tend to have things we want to share to at least some people, but we don’t want to share with EVERYONE.
Like- yes. We have curtains for when we want to be sure people aren’t peeping in our homes, but generally someone looking through your kids windows isn’t like- “well, that’s not on them, me or the kids should have closed the blinds…” I think most people open their blinds once in awhile to enjoy the weather or cool off etc- otherwise why have windows and not vents or solid walls..? And I mean- we have privacy blinds and door locks not to keep out folks who wouldn’t go barging into others spaces- they exist because sadly we can’t rely on every person being decent right? But that’s the key there. Decent. Maybe it shouldn’t be a complete surprise to all but the most idealistic or sheltered that if they leave their blinds open someone may peep- but are they inviting peeping? Do we judge the person being peeped on or the peeper?
So people are going to do what they are going to do. We don’t control that. We control us. I don’t need to know or care why a stranger is dressed as they like. In the gym as is mostly true of life, what are YOU there for and who are YOU? I go to the gym to work out and finish up as quickly as I can while doing my training right. Some people do it to relax or get alone time and others go to hang out with friends or take pictures or whatever.
It’s all kids stuff and many adults are not even as mentally developed as kids in their manners and thinking.