There is truth to this- stating you like one thing doesn’t mean you hate another, and the world is full of problems so while hunger is a global issue, to keep things at a scope for action or discussion we might say: “hunger has killed 5,000 people in X country this week alone..” it doesn’t ignore that those aren’t the only people with that or any problem- it is just that the issue being discussed is people in X country specifically. Being logical- if we worked at a submarine plant and were discussing how to make the oxygen system more efficient, it wouldn’t be constructive to say: “so astronauts mean nothing to you huh?” Well… we are taking about submarines so let’s keep things on submarines unless something from the space program can be used in a submarine to help maybe?
But here are the flip sides.
1. Sometimes we don’t need to narrow the scope. It may not help at all or show a specific bias. “We need to make sure to reach young men higher math..” well.. we should probably also teach everyone else higher math? And unless some very specific factors that are keeping men from learning higher math but not impacting women, or men are falling behind other groups disproportionately in higher math skills… there isn’t any reason to narrow the problem to men there.
2. And this is a BIG one when it comes to many social issues… traditionally and even into the present many groups are marginalized or forgotten or excluded. Wether intentional or not. This one is pretty simple but many have trouble with it. If your entire family or your close friends went on an all expense paid trip and left you behind because they all jumped in the car and forgot about you- you might be hurt? Mad? Upset? “I didn’t think about you…” in a group of 30 kids one kid is one kid. If you or your child got left behind on a field trip and the teacher said: “there are 30 kids and that kid is only one kid. I’m supposed to think about every single kid even if there is just one of them?” You might have some feelings about that.
I don’t know if it is worse but it harder to even try to justify when the groups being left behind aren’t some single digit or decimal fraction of the population but in some cases can be placed in demographics of 10,20,40 percent of a population or on more local levels even more.
So yeah- a lot of people feel annoyance that it might sometimes seem some groups need to constantly remind everyone they exist, to call attention to their identity and be very vocal with their thoughts and feelings and needs. How many times would you need to be left out on vacations, group decisions and projects, getting given what others were, having your birthday or accomplishments celebrated, etc etc. before you started to be more vocal? How many times would your thoughts or opinions need to be ignored or refused to be heard or glossed over before you started to be very vocal when you felt something was important? How many promises would you let be broken before you started being maybe a bit insistent or
persistent or even what some might call pushy or aggressive in making sure people delivered what was promised?
How long before you developed certain sensitivities and experience based responses to when your needs and your thoughts and your well being are left out?
See- it doesn’t work to say that it is implied you considered someone when the historical evidence and statistical data shows that more often than not that person isn’t mentioned or considered and even when they are the evidence might suggest that they won’t be given what was promised regardless.
Combine 1 and 2 and explore this scenario- you have an older sibling named Alex. You get good grades and try hard. Your parents are always talking about how well Alex does and how hard Alex tries. Whenever Alex has a problem they are pretty quick to help but you struggle to get help and they rarely if ever acknowledge your work and effort unless you specifically call them out.
Now, if your parents are talking to their friend and their friend says: “my kids are doing well in school..” and your parents say: “mine too. Alex gets such good grades and tries hard…”
Is it unreasonable for you to say: “I also get good grades and try hard!” And if your parent rolls their eyes and says: “you were included in that. I said MINE too. Relax and quit trying to turn everything into some dramatic thing..” what’s your take on that? You think that is a case where you’re being extra to think you are not being recognized or considered? You think that maybe Alex making hundreds a month tutoring kids
while you get the same grades and take the same classes but struggle to get tutoring work has anything to do with the fact your parents are always telling other parents how smart Alex is and putting their name out there? You think that maybe the mentorships and college tuition pledges Alex gets that you don’t could relate to the fact that even if your mom “totally meant you too..” that maybe people constantly hearing about Alex and what Alex needs and such might be driving that a bit?
It’s simple, logical, human nature. And even more so if- you go to the hospital with a broken leg. You are waiting half an hour. You see a room open up. Instead of you they call in an old lady. Ok. Whatever is wrong with her is more serious. So you sit there in pain and wait. Two hours pass and 3 more people go in. You ask the desk when might be your turn. They tell you that they are seeing patients in priority order to please wait.
After 4 hours you are still waiting and now they are seeing patients with paper cuts, they are taking people who think they might have acne because they don’t see pimples but a comercial made them think they did. They are seeing people who just need doctors notes to be excused from work.
To each of these people their needs are very important, but writing out 20 doctors notes to excuse absences is maybe less pressing than your issue. Most of us would be upset to sit for hours while we or a child or loved one suffered a broken bone because the doctor was doing paper work. Paperwork is important and needs doing but… you’d likely be pissed. But what if your broken leg wasn't treated and didn’t heal for years or decades, there was always some other things to do first that seemed more important in the moment or people figured if you waited that long you could wait awhile longer or learn to live with it…? What if they told you “why don’t you fix it yourself then…?”
So I mean- look, real talk- some people are crazy sensitive or even really are just looking for a fight or argument. Trolls exist across issues and such as well and often just want to stir up mess. So there are people who will go far beyond what most people, even sympathetic people, will consider reasonable. That said- to take the opposite extreme and start labeling valid concern or trauma response or prudent defense of self interest in the face of history as being over sensitive is also not quite the way to go about it.
It is also true that often times intolerance and malice walk under the protections of ambiguity or gaslighting. It’s generally a no lose game. Normalize the exclusion or marginalization of a group. If you are called out, flip it so that the people calling you on your plot look over dramatic or sensitive or unreasonable. It’s relatively simple to engineer social situations where you can bait others in ways that if you are un opposed you gain ground and if you are opposed you can cause them loss of face or loss of ground. A common political strategy is to try and engage the opposition in such ways.
A child will generally favor someone who gives them what they want even if that thing has long term negative consequences and adults aren’t so far apart in that regard.
I give you candy but this “jerk” over here doesn’t want you to have candy!
I write a bill to save the lives of adorable baby seals that will cause a complex chain of ecological events that will lead to long term decimation of a type of krill that feeds moray eels- but that isn’t really sexy or fun or feel good and is a more complex argument to make. Seals are cute and eels and krill are usually less photogenic to most. Explaining how the seal saving bill won’t likely do much for the hood of the seals but will damage the local environment is boring and too complex for many to even grasp.
The opposition can call in scientists to explain it and offer imperfect dumbed down synopses but that’s science. I can bring scientists to refute that with conflicting interpretations. I Can pick holes in the imperfect simplified version you were given because it had to be imperfect and simple for you to get. The holes aren’t in the science but in how it was explained to you- semantics and word play. But once my scientists start poking holes in the “official story” there is doubt or justifications for the doubt people felt already. How will the opposition dispute or argue my cute picture of seals set to heart breaking music..? Saying seals aren’t that cute probably won’t refute how cute the seals are and likely will lose them support.
This is the game. That’s a really simple version of how it is played. So maybe it was an honest omission. Maybe you didn’t mention other fruits because they truly and logically and defensibly aren’t relevant to the discussion and this discussion takes precedence. Perhaps not. Perhaps you have a bias you didn’t know about or perhaps you were being intentional in your use of language.
Language is very important. Language does have power. The words we choose to say things, the things we chose to say and when and where and how we say them.. we can have a lot of psychological impact with words. We can influence people subtly and not so subtly. There is art and science to it. Like many tools it can be wise to not use language carelessly, especially when one doesn’t have legitimate need to use the tool and just feels like using it for the sake of using it. Adults who don’t know each other can generally be respectful to assume a stranger using a tool knows what they are doing until they demonstrate otherwise. So it would be a bit disrespectful in general to assume someone didn’t purposefully choose their words to convey their precise point.
1. Sometimes we don’t need to narrow the scope. It may not help at all or show a specific bias. “We need to make sure to reach young men higher math..” well.. we should probably also teach everyone else higher math? And unless some very specific factors that are keeping men from learning higher math but not impacting women, or men are falling behind other groups disproportionately in higher math skills… there isn’t any reason to narrow the problem to men there.
So yeah- a lot of people feel annoyance that it might sometimes seem some groups need to constantly remind everyone they exist, to call attention to their identity and be very vocal with their thoughts and feelings and needs. How many times would you need to be left out on vacations, group decisions and projects, getting given what others were, having your birthday or accomplishments celebrated, etc etc. before you started to be more vocal? How many times would your thoughts or opinions need to be ignored or refused to be heard or glossed over before you started to be very vocal when you felt something was important? How many promises would you let be broken before you started being maybe a bit insistent or
How long before you developed certain sensitivities and experience based responses to when your needs and your thoughts and your well being are left out?
See- it doesn’t work to say that it is implied you considered someone when the historical evidence and statistical data shows that more often than not that person isn’t mentioned or considered and even when they are the evidence might suggest that they won’t be given what was promised regardless.
Now, if your parents are talking to their friend and their friend says: “my kids are doing well in school..” and your parents say: “mine too. Alex gets such good grades and tries hard…”
Is it unreasonable for you to say: “I also get good grades and try hard!” And if your parent rolls their eyes and says: “you were included in that. I said MINE too. Relax and quit trying to turn everything into some dramatic thing..” what’s your take on that? You think that is a case where you’re being extra to think you are not being recognized or considered? You think that maybe Alex making hundreds a month tutoring kids
After 4 hours you are still waiting and now they are seeing patients with paper cuts, they are taking people who think they might have acne because they don’t see pimples but a comercial made them think they did. They are seeing people who just need doctors notes to be excused from work.
I give you candy but this “jerk” over here doesn’t want you to have candy!
I write a bill to save the lives of adorable baby seals that will cause a complex chain of ecological events that will lead to long term decimation of a type of krill that feeds moray eels- but that isn’t really sexy or fun or feel good and is a more complex argument to make. Seals are cute and eels and krill are usually less photogenic to most. Explaining how the seal saving bill won’t likely do much for the hood of the seals but will damage the local environment is boring and too complex for many to even grasp.