Don’t sweat it hard. No one is obligated or guaranteed to be with you, they can cheat or leave or die at any time. If you start letting those things creep in to your head and take root, they’ll start influencing the way you act and see the world and your relationship. It’s that sort of fear that often creates the wedge that loses us what we want. Paradoxically, being overly afraid of loss tends to bring loss.
Be the you that they fell for and keep working to be the best version of you and to grow as an individual and along with them. You can’t control if they leave you but you can give them every reason to stay and you can be someone who if they do leave, will be ok on your own and eventually make a partner someone else will value.
At the same time though don’t be no punk either. If this dude is hitting on your girl in front of you, you do have to shut that down. How is up to you and who you are and who she is.
Sometimes the “enlightened man” is best. Some women like that. To speak to her about your concerns, that you trust her and aren’t afraid of her cheating but that the way he is acting is disrespectful. You can also have that talk with him depending on what you think is best, or tell her you plan to speak to him and then tell him he needs to cut the sh*t out in whatever tone is most appropriate.
You can also just clown him too. When he flirts with your girl you can clown him. One way is to bag on him when he does it- mock him but with humor and wit or undermine his attempts without directly mocking him but calling them out as cheesy or ridiculous or low rent.
“Wait.. wasn’t that a line from Hustle and Flow..?” Things like that which shut down game while making the person speaking seem foolish for stealing lines from songs or films etc. better if they are themselves embarrassing.
“Ha! You got that line from Twilight didn’t you? My sister <whatever> watches that and I’ve heard that.”
Or just hard clown him. Make him look bad. You can even set him up to look bad. Usually you don’t want to punk him or else he can look sympathetic and you can look like a jerk or desperate. Things like playing football and slamming him are usually bad ideas unless your partner just likes dominance. Making it look like he peed his pants or “good natured” teasing work well to lower his stock. You can also call out his flirting appreciatively and say things like “wow. You’re good. I’m going to have to save that one…” and then start seemingly genuinely asking questions about his romantic life so he is on the spot and has to answer in the context of friends hanging out so he can’t easily manipulate answers or obscure things to build a narrative conducive to setting up a relationship.
If you can get him pinned into saying something foul stuff or flip a response like it is foul- point out (in good nature) that his responses make it sound like he has some perversion or preference your girlfriend doesn’t like or finds repulsive for example. You can then from time to time reference back to that- “oh man. Your phone is blowing up. It’s those girls you keep ghosting huh?”
You all watch a scary movie and they say they weren’t scared: “yeah. Only ghosts that scare you are those girls you never call back..” you can change it slightly so it works if they are scared too etc. it doesn’t matter if it is true as the perception and association will be placed in peoples minds- including your girlfriend. If they try to seriously defend themselves (not a sure sign but a good one that they intend to try to court favor with your girl), you can shut it down and just say: “look, we are all friends. I’m not judging. I don’t need to know your business like that. I’m just having some fun”
Or similar. It also works to goad them into aggression- in the same way that slamming them in a football match doesn’t usually go well for you- if you can get them to try and be competitive with you in that way you can make them look bad. It’s especially good if your girlfriend isn’t their class mate or coworker where they will see each other alone alot naturally because you can drive them to try with possibly increasing effort to get to see your girl alone- at which point she (if she’s really your girl), will likely see that this isn’t all on the up and up, and distance herself or work hard to make sure you know what is up and are there when they kick it.
You can also let them “show off.” If they are good at certain things, instead of avoiding those things jump in. Especially competitive things. Let them play in under the idea of showing off. Instead of trying to win, make your focus or two focuses both or one of:
- making them and their thing look dumb
- making sure your girl has fun.
So instead of taking things super serious, fool around and make her laugh or get her involved and make sure she’s having fun.
Or instead of trying to outdo the other guy, tear down the thing. Generally you don’t want to do it in a super bitter negative way. “This is so dumb, who cares, etc..” but do it by poking fun. Use equipment or such in silly ways or point out how it looks like unflattering things. “Cheat” or “misunderstand” the rules to reach a satisfactory goal but in a very easy way. If they get frustrated etc. and point out that isn’t how to do it joke about why they are making it so hard when it could be so easy and ask things like if they
don’t put the seat up or pee with rough the leg holes in their underwear for the challenge of it too. Ultimately there are many things you can do and many strategies but if your girl cares for you and you are putting in effort she’s staying or leaving. Don’t trip. Better if she’s going to do you dirty that she does it now than later.
Be the you that they fell for and keep working to be the best version of you and to grow as an individual and along with them. You can’t control if they leave you but you can give them every reason to stay and you can be someone who if they do leave, will be ok on your own and eventually make a partner someone else will value.
At the same time though don’t be no punk either. If this dude is hitting on your girl in front of you, you do have to shut that down. How is up to you and who you are and who she is.
You can also just clown him too. When he flirts with your girl you can clown him. One way is to bag on him when he does it- mock him but with humor and wit or undermine his attempts without directly mocking him but calling them out as cheesy or ridiculous or low rent.
“Wait.. wasn’t that a line from Hustle and Flow..?” Things like that which shut down game while making the person speaking seem foolish for stealing lines from songs or films etc. better if they are themselves embarrassing.
“Ha! You got that line from Twilight didn’t you? My sister <whatever> watches that and I’ve heard that.”
You all watch a scary movie and they say they weren’t scared: “yeah. Only ghosts that scare you are those girls you never call back..” you can change it slightly so it works if they are scared too etc. it doesn’t matter if it is true as the perception and association will be placed in peoples minds- including your girlfriend. If they try to seriously defend themselves (not a sure sign but a good one that they intend to try to court favor with your girl), you can shut it down and just say: “look, we are all friends. I’m not judging. I don’t need to know your business like that. I’m just having some fun”
- making them and their thing look dumb
- making sure your girl has fun.
So instead of taking things super serious, fool around and make her laugh or get her involved and make sure she’s having fun.
Or instead of trying to outdo the other guy, tear down the thing. Generally you don’t want to do it in a super bitter negative way. “This is so dumb, who cares, etc..” but do it by poking fun. Use equipment or such in silly ways or point out how it looks like unflattering things. “Cheat” or “misunderstand” the rules to reach a satisfactory goal but in a very easy way. If they get frustrated etc. and point out that isn’t how to do it joke about why they are making it so hard when it could be so easy and ask things like if they