Title.

do you have somewhere else you can live? like a grandparent's house?

Uhm, I guess, but I can't. My mom has asked me if she should just pack up the rest of my siblings and go somewhere else, but I keep telling her no. I'm not going to ruin my brother and sister's lives because of me. I'm trying to get higher grades so I can get into this college that has a program for homeschooler's, I can take classes there and live on campus for my senior year of high school, so that is something. He's been out of work for two years, though, so it's been increasingly worse since then. It's just hard, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him, because he's either normal, or he just goes of if I look at him. It should get better, as he is starting a full time job on Thursday, so he won't be home as much. I'm sorry to rant, but it's hard because it was like one day, he went from being my daddy to a tyrant. For a while, I blamed myself, I always thought I had done something, like a little voice inside my head saying 'It's your fault, you ruin everything.'

I know he does it cause he loves me ,and wants me to turn out a good person. Someone who can take criticism, and not be trampled by the world. That's what he says, anyway. I know my parents wouldn't fight nearly as much if I wasn't there, because my dad gets angry if my mom defends me, so I've been thinking about seeing if I could live with my grandparents, and go to school there. It always seems like if I'm not there, my parents are more loving to each other.

Awwww, honey, I wish I could hug you. its not your fault. your dad probably feels like shit on the inside. like he's the looser and he doesn't know how to express it. not that its ok to react that way. my husband and I got laid off one month apart from each other and we were like this b/c we felt so helpless. its hard to explain the feeling. when you're an adult, you are responsible for your kids no matter what. and maybe he feels inept and doesn't want you to become like him. idk...just get out the situation b/c either way it isn't right. just don't feel like its your fault b/c its not. I know he's beating himself up on the inside and it comes out verbally abusive to you. I feel like that too lately. so I stay away from my kids when it becomes too much to handle. sometimes my heart hurts all day long. and the littlest thing will set me off. Again, i'mnotsaying that its right, i'm just saying that's probably the reason and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. just go somewhere that

you feel safe and happy and productive. worry about you! not your parents. *BIG HUGE TIGHT HUG*