I recant. Replace the word ‘man’ with ‘mate’ - someone regardless of sex who motivates you to be more than who you are - and I’d say that was what I ultimately meant. No more ranty posts today, I promise.

So, let’s call out that this is a 2-way street. Ladies (and some gentlemen), your man doesn’t need to make a six-figure salary. But he should have some ambition. A desire to be more than he is today for tomorrow. Even if that ambition is to go from fry chef to floor manager, or to work his side hustle until he can make his hobby become his main gig. That type of drive is contagious. And you’ll find yourself becoming a better, more motivated person, which manifests itself financially in both of your lives. A man with a dream who takes action to make it happen is some sexy ass shit. Get you a man who does that.

According to the interwebs, this whale is actually female. She vocalizes at 52 hz whereas most other whales communicate at 15-25 hz. To put it another way, she’s singing soprano but the other whales only speak bass. They literally can’t understand her.

And then his spinal column.

Give it time, mate. It takes a while to get used to your girl/boy and their quirks when you first start living together. Hopefully, you’ll ‘learn’ how to live together happily while you figure each other out. And if not, well, I hope you got a short-term lease.

The new Bumfights.

She got ahead of herself and thought she was Dua Lipa. The public quickly reminded her.

Tyrone just remembers the last time black people had to cross a large body of water. This time, he was fully prepared.

How the hell could he spell thot wrong?

It’s Rimjob Dash.

My uncle was a murderous detective who hated parrots. He used to put his dick in my mouth and tell me that if I repeated this to anyone, he’d track me down and kill me.

‘First I’ll kick your ass, then I’ll fuck it.’

It looks like a plate of vegan lies.

Uh, am I the only one questioning why the actual human was hanging over the edge of the building in the first place?

No, it’s been three days. They are literally dying.

I think my son has a fever, he keeps saying ‘God, it’s so hot’, it’s a good thing his best friend is in there to take care of him.