Talentless Painintheears

On a related fizzy drink note, has anyone here had Kombucha? I had my first sip not too long ago and now I’m borrowing money from my grandmother’s purse to keep that amazing taste in my mouth.

Let’s not forget to check the poster’s username for additional hilarity points.

Or your dick.

If your child is smart enough to figure out how to smuggle sugar out of restaurants like his name was El Chapo, then I say the kid deserves to eat the sugar.

I’m trying to decide if I expect your son’s first words to be ‘I want to talk to the manager’ or ‘Oh, no you di’int’ while slowly gyrating his neck.

I’ll bet there are some really energetic, talkative fish by that plane and the reef has been up all nite working on this really great idea it just had for a screenplay.

That’s right, my child. Celebrate your mediocrity. Realize from an early age that you lack the innate ability to supersede your far more gifted peers. Try and fail to impress your greatest male role model due to your lack of speed, strength, and physical prowess. Decide to exact revenge on him and all of humanity.
Become the next Syndrome.

Just because you’re a Slutty Nurse doesn’t mean you can’t take care of your sexual health AND see the dicks coming at you in the dark.

Yes, darling. A Michael Jackson face with Frida Kahlo eyebrows and a Hulk Hogan hairline is definitely the look this season.

The fact that he walks around in his underwear should’ve been a clue. Why put on pants if you’re always taking them off?

‘You steal my cashmere, I steal your girl.’

‘I’ve never had furplay like this before. It was absolutely purrfect.’

You spelled ‘American’ wrong.

A 38x34 jean is not regular. That person is large, horizontally and vertically.

Patient: And now I don’t have a prostate. *sweats nervously*

Marilyn Monroe would be sorely jealous.