Genetically-nerfed compared to my wolvish brethren. But if it means having such penetrating eyes and playful paws as those, then I’d say domestication might not have been such a bad thing after all.

Murder your archenemies fabulously and with style.

I love how demonic influence and dehydration were so easily confused as the cause for his child murder spree.

When Afro Samurai starts licensing his image because having the #1 headband just isn’t enough to pay the bills.

Not true. They get excited to see you leave the room, too.

And I see you brought our old friends, Lamentable Decisions and Regret-Induced Insomnia, with you too. Well then, whip up some double espressos, boys, and don’t bother setting the alarm clock because it’s gonna be a long night of self-loathing ahead of us.

You’ll also vomit on your food before you eat it.

If PizzaHub offered unlimited access to 5 million types of pizza for only $9.99/month with no ads and high speed delivery, you would subscribe in a heartbeat.

A brilliant idea until someone decides to change lanes underneath you.

Your friends call me your spleen because even though I get to be inside of you, no one seems to know what purpose I serve in your life.

Your eye is watering.

I can actually see this working in real life. Sasori makes the children laugh with puppet shows and teaches the people valuable woodworking skills. Deidara shows the villagers how to make earthenware to hold their food and goods. Kisame instructs them on how to find fresh water for their homes and crops. Kakazu stitches together their broken tools and machines. Konan shows them how to make paper and how to read and write. Hidan teaches them about the importance of spirituality. Orochimaru introduces them to science to bring them into the modern age. Zetsu gives isolated communities important information about what’s happening in the world. Tobi provides the entertainment and keeps the people in good spirits. Itachi lulls the children to sleep with a pleasant genjutsu-like story each night. Pain leads their efforts with his ceaseless desire to end all strife in the world. Who knew Naruto Shippuden could be the solution to rural poverty worldwide?

Which witch is ‘catsing’ a spell on my heart? It’s you, cutie pie!

I once was in London and asked a man if he liked fags. He said ‘yes’ and handed me a cigarette.

Your cat has permanent ‘Oh, no she di’int! But then what happened?’ face.