For the record, I can find Ukraine on a map- I’m pretty decent at geography and even if you aren’t- knowing it shares a border with Russia and is in Eastern Europe are two tips that can make it pretty easy to find.
Many Americans are actually pretty knowledgeable in these things. But- there are thousands of miles of ocean between us and our closest neighbors east or west. For those living near the “center” of our country it can take more than 24 straight hours driving to reach the closest county north or south and those are the 2 borders we share. We have 50 states, many the size of European or Asian countries or larger. 50 states that the average American is more likely to need to know about than every other country on the globe unless they are in international business.

So I mean- between two people sharing a bed whatever system works for them is fine. Using an above example, if you both want to sleep your right side but you like to alternate big and little spoon then you may need to swap sides to make that happen. And of course if you both have identical pillows and cases and such then it may not matter or if you don’t notice things like the specific indentation your natural sleeping places into pillows or mattresses then those aren’t issues either. You might not keep your phones near the bed or in the bedroom. You might not have nightstands at all or some people have identical amenities on their nightstands. So to each their own. It’s all about what works for the two people sharing that space. Though just for the record the “sides” thing is common in my experience and it can still be “our bed” and people can have sides.

I’ve known people who like the side of a bed closer to a door because they want to see out of the room or feel safer near and exit and I’ve known people who like further from the door because they feel safer away from the entry way were someone to barge in. I know people who like sleeping closer to a window because they get how or like the view and people who like being away from a window as they get cold or the noise can bother them or they feel vulnerable. Some people like to sleep “face to face” as opposed to spooning- if you like sleeping face to face but are a right side sleeper, your partner needs to be to your right and sleep on their left side because of they are to your right you either would spoon if they sleep right side or face away if they sleep left. If you are both right side sleepers and like to spoon, the side you each occupy will determine who is “little” and “big” spoon.

It’s more a case of “I’m going to put my stuff on this side and make this side comfortable for me and you’re going to put your stuff on that side..” likewise placement can matter. I’ve had parters or known people who like the bed close to a wall and feel more secure sleeping next to the wall, then I’ve known people who prefer not to climb over the bed or like the feeling of freedom not being near the wall. If a bed is near a wall on one side, one partner might use the bathroom more during the night or get up to get water etc. so it might be prudent for them to sleep on the “open side.” Likewise if one partner usually goes to bed later or wakes up earlier having them on the “open side” can mean that the other partner doesn’t need climbed over and is likely going to give them a better chance at I disturbed sleep.

And that’s before special cases. I used to get up at 4am but my partner didn’t need to be up until 8. I had an alarm clock with a little “puck” that vibrated and would wake me up at 4 but not her. It was slightly elaborate to set up and was all wired. Anyone with anything like that- it wouldn’t make much sense to switch sides of the bed with any regularity. Likewise some people have things like “sleep number” beds and while you could just change both sets of numbers, that seems to be a bit of extra trouble for what? To switch sides of a bed? I mean at the end of the day even in relationships where people have “their side” of the bed it is generally “our bed,” as said early, I don’t know anyone who does it like a feuding sitcom family or petty siblings and is going to get all bent up of you cross some imaginary line.

And it is a bit of trouble to relocate all that stuff on a whim- especially if your partner decides to fall asleep first on the side of the bed that has all your things. What are you going to do, unplug and move your things quietly while they sleep? It just is a bit odd isn’t it, like- your Parker uses two pillows with a silk case and they are on the left side of the bed, they have an android and you have an iPhone- so they move your single pillow with Jersey tee case to the right, move their two pillows to the left, and then plug their phone in next to where you’ll sleep and/or reach the cord across so they can fall asleep looking at their phone and there’s a cord across the martes where you sleep…?

So do you, and no, it isn’t automatically transphobia or a trans prejudice to not date a trans person. It may likely be prejudice against trans to not date a trans person because they are trans, but it is not a trans prejudice to not date a specific trans person because of specific aspects inherent to them eg: has genitals that you don’t want to play with, cannot have p2p biological kids with you, or any other reasons that may apply to a non trans person.
Let’s not forget that “hetero cis” men and women don’t generally date every single female/male that comes their way and neither do LGBTQ+. There may be many reasons a person doesn’t want to date someone that have nothing to do with their inherent identity and more to do with aspects of their reality.
… but if you say you “won’t date ANY trans person” that’s pretty bias. How do you know that you won’t meet a trans person who is perfect for you and you find attractive? If you make it about them being trans that’s prejudice.

To the second case- no one besides maybe the smallest most specific and oddest fetish group is attracted to chromosomes. You can’t even tell generally as far as science shows, and most people never get a genetic work up on a partner and just take for granted from their appearance and other context that they are a certain chromosome grouping. So that one is silly to mention. Children are basically the one true place where someone might nearly universally rule out a trans partner for reasons other than being trans without invoking some sort of bigotry. Other than that almost any objection would be case by case- though again in fairness there are certain things that nearly universally go with aspects of being transgender and it’s fair if a person doesn’t want to bring those to a relationship.

For example not all Asians have black hair or biologically have black hair. Not all “whites” are fair skinned, not all black or Mexican or any other people look alike and so forth, and people from various groups can grow up in circumstances where they may have any cultural background or religious views etc. so to say you wouldn’t date an Asian because you don’t like black hair is ignorant at best but generally is an attempt to hide or be in denial of a prejudice. Specific to trans to two constants one might mention could involve person to person child birth or chromosomes. To the first point- there ARE trans persons one could have person to person child birth with though admittedly it is almost unheard of and involves a big edge case for a male with an M-F trans partner or a female with an F-M partner to have this option.

So it is inherently flawed and doesn’t hold up to scrutiny based on tiene accepted reasons not to date someone that not dating a trans person is inherently bigoted against trans- it can simply be that there are things about a trans person that you do not find attractive or that are “deal breakers” for you.
I think it is important to mention though that saying you wouldn’t date ANY trans person or ANY poor person or ANY person of a given race etc. is generally inherently bigoted. It makes the assumption that all people in that group are alike. Given the diversity of people in the world, whatever your objection is to dating a certain individual, and whatever general trait a group commonly has- it is rare that universally ALL members of that group share that trait.

For your plans or what you want to build a triangle isn’t a suitable shape. That is what it is. People do those things all the time. People may not date outside their religion because they want someone who knows and shares their faith. They may not date outside their culture because they want someone who can navigate it like a native. People might not date those who don’t make “enough money” as they can’t provide the life they want. Does it make you an elitist because you don’t date homeless people? And yes- trans or no- some people want to have biological children and will not date someone who cannot provide them with biological children “one on one.”

Is it common for motorcycle riders to get in a crash and quit forever? There are riders walking around with pins and scars right now. Does every athlete that tears a ligament or breaks a bone quit? Every boxer that gets savaged in the ring? Does that mean it doesn’t hurt to have Tyson beat on your face for half an hour full force? “I’ll never stay up this late..” “I’ll never eat chipotle again..” etc etc. and yet… so even ignoring all the ways the body and mind mess with women when it comes to reproduction- simply put people in general aren’t great at risk/reward or goal/consequences decisions. Or at the least we can say we tend to put the reward above the cost much of the time, especially when the cost is paid later.

@karlboll- well… if the shoe fits… lol.

The US military is the largest employer in the world and needs lots of people to just drive trucks or stand around or provide a wall of fire- the military is not made up entirely of lawyers and pilots and intelligence. It’s support roles like the stuff you might do without a degree in blue collar civilian life or boots with guns. Do you think it’s practical that each and every one of those roles be filled by someone in the top 10% or even top 50% of general or specific skills? If you need 100,000 people and are offering a fraction of market wage for the job…
Such is life. It isn’t like the USA has many social welfare programs that beat the military.

.. but in one week it will be put up better than they can believe. That’s not how that works is it? You are as good as your work today. If the stock goes up today you are good. If it does not you are likely not good.
If you save your managers behind once, that probably won’t get you much goodwill. So I mean- partial truth but the total truth is actually much sadder. These people do work usually, it’s just what they do for work are things most people would do for free or pay to do and are things most people wouldn’t get or expect the level of compensation these guys get for it.

You can’t stand on one idea. The musks of the world can lose $100 million dollars and it makes them MORE valuable. Why? Experience. How many people have lost that much money? So the theory goes you can’t lose $100 million if you weren’t trusted with at least that much. The theory goes that someone who’s lost $100 million knows how it happened and had the experience they gained from that loss while you, who have never lost $100 million and likely never been trusted with $100 million, you’re a worse hire than the guy who lost a fortune. That’s how it works. The musks of the world can have one very good idea and it can wash away the bad. There are very few jobs where you can stay employed and earn bonuses while not producing by telling your bosses that your plan will take 5 years or whatever. Try that as a stocker at Walmart. When they say to stock the shelves tell them that you are doing a revolutionary plan that will stock all the shelves better than ever and nothing has been put up..

It’s just their 100 hours are often spent doing things that while arguably work and arguably beneficial- aren’t the same as spending 100 hours of manual labor or reinventing the wheel under a brutal deadline. When their 100 hours are up they have millions or billions in compensation coming their way. When they aren’t on the clock they can go to Paris on a whim or literally fly to space. When your 100 hours are up you might go back to the rental you share with 4 other 30 something year old adults and maybe go to a bar or play some video games. The inequity is that if they put in 100 hours and you put in 500, you’d still get paid 1000x less than them. You’d still only be as good as what you did today. Yesterday doesn’t count for you. You saved the company $100 million last year? You got your 6% raise and a $6000 bonus. What did you do THIS YEAR?

So there is stress and work and not anyone can manage the charisma or presence or speak the language and fit in to get the support of the sorts of people who make success possible from behind the scenes. The people who watch your back when laws come up or lobby for you with their peers or bring you backers and investors and future opportunities. So it’s not completely without value.
And wether you are at a dinner or golfing etc. with wealthy powerful people or sitting in a meeting listening to people give their high level status reports or playing therapist to the board and calming them down or trying to get more funds to get to where you need to go, 100 hours is 100 hours. So that part isn’t always a lie.

When you dine with someone who is friends with the Senator of Arkansas you need to make sure your meal and table and everything else reflects the cultures and values of Arkansas. You need to try to use local products and observe local customs and you want that person to leave and tell their friend the Senator that you’re not just a “good one” but that you “get” their ways and fit in like a good ol boy/girl and that you have their states or their interests shared and at heart - and you have to be subtle enough that even though anyone who has played the game knows they are being worked, that it isn’t insulting and they feel like they can sell you to rubes and you won’t embarrass them among the big shots.