But we don’t have a reference standard per se when it comes to identity. Sex can be called on convenience. Science is full of convenience and disagreement over classification. But someone has to speak the standard by which we assign the terms and that is… ambiguous at present.
So really that’s the issue. We can’t really discuss the issue productively if we are all talking about different things.

That’s the root of it. You can have two people arguing from the same place with no common rules or definitions. If you look at a color and say it is gray, and I look it and say it is white, but we don’t have a way to define what is gray and what is white- how do either one of us say the other is wrong because of what we feel?
That’s why in almost every place or matters we have specs. Every shade of every color can be measured and assigned a set of values. The ultimate definition of white or gray is a subjective matter as every sensor can read differently and every program must be taught what to consider what and so there is always a bias. So we wouldn’t say “white” if we needed a specific shade- we would specify the values or a numeric short code to specify the exact color- or we would compare to a reference standard.

It isn’t that these things can’t be sorted out- it’s more that most people argue on what they feel. Accept the irony when you can’t clearly define the criteria for a man or woman and have those criteria stand scrutiny, so are effectively saying that someone is a man or a woman because you feel like they are- while telling that person that feeling like a man or a woman doesn’t make them one. That’s a bit odd isn’t it? Likewise the opposite, how does one tell a person that they can’t define male or female but are one because they feel that way, and that feeling like they aren’t doesn’t change their identity.

So here is a 27 year old man who is 6 feet tall and 180lbs with brown hair and blue eyes, but their drivers license should say they are 10lbs and 14 inches tall and have gray eyes and blonde hair because that is what was true when they were born? That seems silly doesn’t it? So we can’t use gametes. We can’t use genitals. We can’t use breasts. We can’t use body hair. We could use chromosomes- but you can’t actually know someone’s chromosomes without a DNA test so that’s not very helpful in daily life.

Now, one might make an argument not to use gametes but to use genitals to define male and female- but genitals can be changed. Surgery can do that. So… then anyone with the requisite genitals would be that sex no? Of course one might argue that sex be based on the genitals you were born with- though that is a faulty argument because if you no longer have those genitals- the information is obsolete. If you were born with a billion dollar trust fund and spent all you wealth- are you still rich because you were born rich? What a silly idea. Nothing really works that way. Babies often change eye color, hair color, they usually change height. So the argument that someone who had their penis friend to a vagina and would be called a woman is delusional also implies that to everyone.

In other words such anti trans arguments as “it doesn’t matter what you think or feel, your body is male/female so you are that…” would logically imply that a woman who doesn’t produce gametes- who has no eggs- is not a woman. A man that doesn’t produce sperm would not be a man, because the fact that he maybe could if his body was different doesn’t change the fact he doesn’t, and if we are using gametes to define men as having sperm and women having eggs… if you don’t have sperm or eggs you can’t be a man or a woman.

And then we get really confusing because… one can argue that the type of gamete one MIGHT produce could be used to define sex- for example while women no longer have or produce viable eggs after menopause, the fact they COULD produce eggs if not otherwise changed in state from fertile, could be used to argue they are women. Of course, we can apply a common rebuttal to trans individuals and others and say that what they MIGHT do or FEEL like doesn’t matter because their biology doesn’t support it.

Complicating things are ambiguities and misunderstandings and differing interpretations of key concepts like “sex.” Gamete production is generally used to sex animals- males tend to have small and mobile gametes (like sperm) and females have the large immobile gamete like eggs.) two problems. Firstly, it is possible for humans to produce both gametes, ambiguous gametes, or neither gamete. Confusing things further, you can produce no gametes at birth, or you might later produce no gametes. A post menopausal woman produces no eggs, a man who has undergone total removal of the tested produces no sperm- so “natural” or man causes factors can change gamete production after birth as well. Since gametes are the main but not only way to classify sex (secondary traits are often considered as well) things get MORE confusing.

It’s not disaster, it’s DiGiorno!

“So you” like “I’d rather be fishing” or “don’t tread on me” or some other slogan to display your hobbies and interests and values to the world…. Please do after all that, start talking about the “gay agenda” and how upset you get when people “shove their personal details in your face.” You can then go on to talk about how all “these people” feel compelled to tell you things about themselves even though you didn’t ask or care. “Who would think that is ok?” You might say, as you take a sip from your non LGBTQ+ supporting beer, holstered in a cozy that displays your political affiliations or expresses some other aspect of your personal beliefs and lifestyle no one asked you about but you felt so strongly about you needed to make sure everyone could see it while you drink. Then perhaps you can miss tell a recycled “joke” from the internet or a “free speech” comic that was neither a joke nor funny even before you butchered it.

But- on a still slightly humorous but more serious note…
Oh please do, person with a flag or sign about who you voted for and your politics in your yard, with stickers on your car showing your family as stick figures, your military service license plate frame or insignia sticker, the sticker about how your kid is a student or honor role at XYZ school, paraphernalia of your favorite sport and team, your team Jersey or hat on, after you finish your tirade about how Chevy or ford or whatever is the best often prompted by someone merely driving another car or mentioning it near you, after you are done bragging about your kids sport team or whatever, after you mention what a proud union member/parent/whatever you are for the Xth time, after you get done thanking your god and speaking about them as though everyone should or does think the same and perhaps shaming someone for not going to your place of worship or adhering to your dogma, as you buy another shirt or hat or sticker that is

1000%. Constantly trying to do things like have hobbies, find love, exist in society, and they just expect everyone else to be ok with that. They’re so entitled thinking that just because they were born they are entitled to some sort of.. inalienable rights or human rights and should be allowed all the same things as everyone else. I’ll tell you what.

But do you. It’s your life. Watch what you want, particulate and live as you like more or less.

Getting a reaction from people is a form of power and those who need to feel power and don’t have better ways to do it tend to resort to such things to feel some form of control. Getting a reaction from people and engagement validates us- people are paying attention to us, we are worthy of attention. We are powerful. People that agree reinforce our positive feelings in ourselves and give us feelings of community or power. People who disagree are “idiots” and so we can mostly let their words roll off of us or even “prove” to use that everyone is dumb or has bad judgment etc. it’s all very self soothing and ultimately silly.

Why do you do it? Usually fairly 50/50. Almost half the time it is attention starvation. Unable or not caring to differentiate “good attention” and “bad attention” and just wanting to be paid attention to. These sorts of declarations tend to get attention and you likely know that when you make them. The need to go against the group, the self superiority, it’s all antisocial. The type of outlook most often developed by those who feel hurt and rejected by society so use antisocial behavior to cope. It isn’t that people don’t like you- you don’t like people. You aren’t somehow off putting or odd, people are dumber than you. Etc.
The other almost 50% of the time it’s power. People without power or who feel powerless often like to manipulate others. Get reactions. Wether it is a laugh or applause or anger or whatever else-

Except the world doesn’t care. Not only are most people never going to see what you wrote or won’t remember or connect it to you so you will still have all the same things happening, but your mention of it will not only likely bring the topic up but will call like a beacon to many fans- especially rabid ones, who will either go through the whole pitch trying to convince you that you do what to participate, or will tear into you. As a matter of fact- most of the time people who say things like this know this and WANT IT. It’s like the “militant” or “vocal vegan” or so many others who know that they are saying things that tend to elicit strong feelings from many and they want to engage those people.

And if it was JUST one person or two people then you’d probably be ok. But it feels like every person or every other person. And then just seeing the thing mentioned makes you cringe. When it comes up in a discussion you are already waiting for the script- someone will ask you your thoughts etc. and you’ll say you haven’t seen it and a scenario like I outline about will play out and you’ll end up needing to resist and justify and sit through the whole pitch. Each time. Or you’ll fear it is coming. Each time. So you’re frustrated and you feel like the entire world is trying to shove this down your throat. So maybe you think you’ll just post to your place of choice- preempt the entire thing and let the world know you haven’t taken part and won’t. Stop asking. Won’t happen.

So of course context is key. Talking to a friend across a table isn’t the same as posting to a public internet venue. Audience. So I get that it can be frustrating. Who hasn’t been there? Every magazine and website and all your friends and seemingly everyone is talking about the new thing. You’re sick of hearing it. What’s more, each one keeps pressuring you. Your siblings, coworkers or people at school, strangers you meet, media, and most of the internet. You say you haven’t tried it and they, likely in an over excited or vaguely cult like way stat with the “really?!” “Omg why?!” “No you HAVE to..” “promise me…” and no matter how many times you say no or that you are busy or have other priorities or aren’t interested… they often don’t stop. You can explain as much as you want and many will wave away your reasons and tell you “no. You can. No you must..”

If someone asks your opinion or asked about it- you can say you haven’t tried it, that’s fair. If they ask why you might tell them. To volunteer why when no one asked is superfluous. You just want to get a reaction or make the conversation into one you can be central to. Other than that what can you say on the subject? You can’t dislike what you haven’t tried- it’s reasonable to be able to have an idea of what you might like without trying. I’ve never been murdered or eaten a live baby otter but I suspect I wouldn’t like either and am not interested in trying them to find out for sure. So sure, if you don’t like super hero films skip ant man 17 or whatever. You know you don’t like super hero films. The entire world doesn’t need to know or care.