Why is one of them dead?

"I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can have fun in an above-ground pool"-- Mitch Hedberg

aw, man...

We won the war in 1783.

That's...not a response to T'Challa's statement.

Why'd she have to go and lie there at the end?

This is from the Onion Atlas.

Came to the wrong neighborhood....

I actually got into Electro Swing because of Funsubstance... a long time ago someone posted the music video to Caravan Palace's "Lone Digger". I was hooked in about .04 seconds. I got to see Caravan Palace live in concert on my honeymoon. Thanks, Funsubstance!

You haven't read much about Venice and the spice trade, have you?

Where do the beaver teeth fit in?

I love these kind of jokes. I call them "anti-memes".

Same, but with my dad.

Hey, it's Thomas Jefferson from 1776! Cool!

Oh, take a breath and calm yourself. Teaching is hard enough without some smartass student literally accusing the teacher of war crimes.

I actually *do* love the jaguar hood ornament, funny picture notwithstanding.

Goddammit Moon Moon

Second best use of this meme I've seen.

Yes, good sir. Do you have any classical Doge albums?

The best use of this meme I've ever seen.

"James Bond is ordering a weak martini and being snooty about it"

I legit can't tell which one is Mark Ruffalo and which one is the double.

You must mean Daniel Handler, Mr. Snicket's representative. Mr. Snicket would never allow himself to be recorded in an interview.

Alternatively, just watch the Happening and drink every time you laugh!

Check out their video on time if you want to feel very small in the universe indeed.