It's a precursor to dirty chat.
It's not a top secret FBI file solved only by Mulder and Scully.

No. Pink Floyd suck.

You really didn't, you just wanted to slam the English for an historical tweet to appear both witty and patriotic.

Nobody Panics*

I lived in an affluent British village, and on the greenbelt areas (national trust protected), me and my friends used to find burned out cars, where joyriders had stolen a car, got bored and burned it out to stop it being detected.
The trees never caught fire or anything, just started growing away from where the fires started.

Snoik

No homeowner...

This is beautiful

I inspected parts that went into that.
If the toilet door jams, it's my fault.

That bird is gonna shit like a volcano when he's done.

Rapist in Therapist

R/slazo made a good argument, that he's closer to 8 foot tall.

It looks like the vials from Death Becomes Her...

Well, fuck a duck...

Peep show for me

I'd add: "Constant blocked toothpaste tube that means you squeeze extra hard to unblock it, ending up wasting way more than you need.
Every time, no matter what paste you buy"
.
"The milk always gets that air bubble that forces the milk to miss the bowl and go everywhere".

Man of steel is a masterpiece.

Only ten years to go!

You missed a perfect chance to title it "BaSKATball"

What if at the end you don't die, or they believe it's an undeserved happy ending?
What if you're their favorite character because of how much you taught them about being a better person, after reading about you?
What if they want to lead you to your doom, or eternal misery...?