When I was a kid my step mom was a dental hygenist and she legit would put toothpaste and a toothbrush in my stocking lol
She also handed out toothbrushes and toothpaste on halloween

In Shrek 2, when Shrek and Donkey drank the Happily Ever After Potion...Shrek turned into a hunk, Fiona turned back into a babe, Donkey turned into a stallion...What did Dragon turn into?

Imagine someone thinking they're popping some pills and they end up shitting rhinos

Correction: All the ways you fucked up today. And last week...and 5 years ago

Not gonna lie...when I was pregnant with my first son I ate a roll of cookie dough like a burrito lol

I need this

My first thought was "Oh my god, Mia that is disgusting!" I was not prepared for that Lol
My son says "Whoa! That's so sick!!" followed by some crazy laugh
Looks really good though...Did you do it yourself?
Is that a Camilla d'Errico pic in the background?

Aw, that last one is super cute.
Every once in a while, while my husband and I are driving and listening to the radio, a love song will come on and without saying anything he'll reach over and touch my leg. It lets me know that somewhere in his mind he relates the love song to us, and it gives me this tickling feeling in my chest Kinda like butterflies

I feel like this will be my kid when he's old enough for social media lol Trash bothers him SO much. He's always picking it up when we're out, he even called out an adult who littered in front of him. It was kind of embarrassing but all I could do was give the guy this "he's right, ya know" look lol

Lol It reminds me of The Black Dahlia Murder writing

Lol My 1 month old makes the same face after breastfeeding

For my sons first 4th of july celebration we took him to see fireworks(of course), and I'm sitting there recording the beginning of the show. My husband says "Babe why are you recording the fireworks??" I say "so we can always remember his first firework show" *duh* And my husband says "wouldn't it make more sense to record his reaction to the fireworks??" And that's why I married him lol It's one of the best videos we have of our son

For me it's a certain fork

@ title...Lady Gaga would approve

At the beginning of my freshman year of highschool I had braces...So one day I was talking to a guy I had a HUGE crush on, or rather he was talking to me as I stood in awe at the fact that he would ever speak to me. Oh, and I was chewing gum(that's important). He said something funny and I started to laugh. Then he gets this weird look on his face and crinkled his nose and goes "Oh...uhm.....you have gum...it's stuck in your braces" And I don't know how I didn't feel it but it was like embedded all across the front of my top braces...I f*cking died.

My son learned quite a bit of spanish this way lol At first I found it really annoying watching movies with spanish subtitles, but within a couple weeks he was running around half speaking spanish...it's cute