Grab my mushroom

Lmao...uhmm, yeah.

Aww, congratulations on your tiny human! What a cutie!
My baby's about to turn 2, so not really a baby anymore haha It's bittersweet.
Enjoy the adventure!

My name is Ryan Jones.
Commander of the armies of the bugs.
Loyal servant to the lord of all the info.
And I will have my vengeance. In this life, or a life that is not from the elements of life.

I'm a Sagittarius and that's why I want to get in her and get it all over my hands

.....wow.

This is me with movies. My son is always asking "Can we get this movie? Can we get that movie?" And I'm like "Not for $25, no. Let's wait a month and get it for $5 at Redbox"

That oil and gas is made from dinosaurs, and that's why they're called fossil fuels
I'm not sure if that was ever considered fact and disproven, but it's something I was taught in school that I have since learned is not true

The gang has a cutie Dachshund and they are from the upside-down part of the other town and I have the Lavender scented eyeballs that dawdle around picking flowers

In case anyone else was wondering why someone had 50 grams of dried semen in their house...
"...The victim, 34-year old Jenny White, returned to her Silver Springs Shores apartment last month to discover that several sex toys and accessories as well a collection of pornographic movies were missing.
Ms. White, a hard time Tinder user, also reported a very unique item stolen: a crystal jar containing semen from hundreds of her sexual partners. 'I know it’s weird, but I got every guy I slept with in the last two years to ejaculate in the same jar. There must have been sperm from at least 250 guys in there.'"

What. The. Fuck.

Alright, I don't have a knee fetish but there is a spot on the back of my knees that feels SO good when my husband massages it lol

It's head reminds me of Buckbeak from Harry Potter

So does my toddler

That time I got reincarnated as a result of my boys and my husband and my German Shepherd

Uhh, kinda sounds like murder x_x

Toddlers everywhere haha My 20mo will take off with his little chest puffed out and one arm swinging like he is on a mission, but he has no idea where he's going lol

The poor fettuccine's alfredo

I didn't even need to watch the Hachi movie, just watching the trailer made me cry lol

I have 100s of these bead lizards somewhere...Bead snakes too. I've always loved lizards and snakes, and when I was little I was really socially awkward (actually, I still am), so I would sit in daycare and make bead lizards and snakes almost all day, everyday

Breast milk is truly f*ing magical.
There is something called retrograde milk flow, in which a little of the babys saliva enters the breast and mixes with the milk. If the baby is sick it will trigger an immune response in the mother and she will produce antibodies for her sick baby without being sick herself...Which I guess is more the breast than the milk itself, but breast milk is still so amazing haha You can put it on bug bites, poison oak/ivy, eczema, diaper rash, etc to help with itching. It's great for skin, so mixing some in a bath or some lotion. It can help with acne when applied topically. It's amazing for chapped lips...I have several tubes of homemade breast milk lip balm. It can help heal minor cuts...My husband is a handyman and is always coming home with cuts and scrapes. He'll put a little breast milk on his cuts several times a day, and they're healed in a couple days rather than a week. Breast milk truly is liquid gold