I've had a reminder set in my calendar for 2/22/22 for 8 years lol My oldest son is super excited about it

I read the first line ELVIS probably can't fart quietly, then got to "...muffled by tiny hairs around the rectum", and thought this was going a very different direction

That is super f*ing cute and I need one now

I just spit cheerios on the back of my toddlers head

Or poke the patties 6 times before flipping

My 11yo thinks this is an "If Tarzan was a serial killer" meme lol

It's also the parent equivalent

I had kinda the opposite happen just this morning...I bought some plugs for my stretched ears from a company called Plug Your Holes. I get all my packages delivered to my grandmother's house, because my mail gets stolen regularly. So, I go to pick up my packages this morning and my grandma flings this little black packing envelope at me and says, "I don't even want to know what's in this" I was confused and looked at it for a minute, then it hit me the shipping label says "Plug Your Holes" She probably thinks this is a butt plug or a dildo or something. I laughed showed her what it was, but she didn't think it was very funny and suggested I email the company to suggest a name change lol

My brain thought it was going to end with "I will teach, I'm everywhere!" Followed my maniacal laughter

My New Years resolution is to have a good time and stay in the butt Wow

Wow indeed...That is a good time

You've heard of the elf on the shelf, well get ready for the 1st round of my husband and I completely and honestly doing that things that be in my head

Brace yourselves...There be some crazy shit up there

I am on the naughty list because of my husband being open to the idea of me having a good time with my family.

Hmm...I'm gonna try to look at that in as innocent a way as possible

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a partial refund for my services.

The 3 different moods of parenting

Lmao The "worn 3 days" sticker...My mind went straight to scratch n sniff x_x

8, 9, 7

I put a spell on you and now you have a lot of breastfeeding things that are not going on in your own mind

More Iike a planet made of DMT...Spice is a nickname for DMT, and it certainly sends you places lol

Once upon a time, there was a little sandwich who was unfortunately not a good one by a man to become an expert about the stresses of sex. Only a couple could reverse it, but fortunately for our hero, they found their chance when a new playground accidentally opened. Though the first born was reluctant, eventually the hero convinced them to give them a chance. The moment it happened, the check was reversed and our hero once more became an issue.

When one of my nephews was 5 he gave me a note that said, "Yur a fukken", because I wouldn't let my son sleep over. I laughed so hard at "fuckin'" being used as a noun. My husband and I still use it that way