My buddy got married in Ireland and wanted me to come be his best man.
I wished them well.

It depends on where the roll is placed. If the roll is directly to your right or left, it's actually easier to unroll if it goes under.

How dare you assume I'm 2% instead of whole.

That girl is either about to get kissed or turn into a demon and get impaled on a giant sword.

Gee I wonder why this person was lonely.

She should really be fired. I'm fairly sure you shouldn't inquire about someones purchase

Yikes

I don't think Tony us actually stranded. I think he plans on making everyone think he's dead because he can't bring himself to return to Earth after watching Peter die. For all he knows Pepper might not even be alive.
Besides, Nebula was on Titan with him. Why would she just fuck off and leave him?

I lean more towards people "reporting" to the IRS being sad.I don't really see a problem with using your tits to earn money. If people out there are willing to pay money just to see pictures of you topless, I think you'd be stupid NOT to exploit that.

Who the fuck spells it like that

What if I just wanted the car?
Broke ass nigga

Cut his hands off.

I too was born with two legs.

Your kid is not an expression of how much of a free spirit you are.
Name your kid Elizabeth or some shit and be happy with it.

I'm gonna be the opposite of a good parent and try to encourage my kid to be done with school after high school.
If my kid gets good scholarships and still wants to go I'll support it but school is way to much stress just so you can maybe get a job that pays a lot. I went to college for a month before I realized I was just fucking done with school, but by then I already owed a few grand to the college. Like aye boyo, you can have money and be happy without going to college. You can do that shit within a year of graduating high school if you work at it.

I love how in Civil War, Ross is showing the Avengers footage of bad guys fucking shit up and he's like "You did that" like are you fucking dense lol

This sounds like the start of a bad joke.

Learning it isn't illegal actually changed how I look at my parents.
Like, my girlfriend sometimes eats in the car when we drive home after a movie and the light doesn't bother me in the slightest. I barely notice it.
What was my mom's fucking deal?

Avengers Endgame
My life is literally just staying alive long enough to see the next movie I wanna see or play the next game I wanna play.

Goddamn.

I never understood why parents just sit there and wait for you to visit.
My dad works four days a week bringing four figures home each of those weeks and when he's not working he's sitting on his ass watching TV in the house he has paid off.
I work five to six days a week and sometimes if I want a day to myself, it means taking up my one day off and I bring home less than half of what he makes and most of it goes to rent and food.
Dad, I love you, but how about you give me a call and ask to come over instead of sitting there pouting because I don't call every half hour?

The Bible: Do not masturbate or you will burn in Hell forever.
People:
The Internet: No Nut November lol
Also people: R E A L S H I T ?

I am perfectly comfortable with my sexuality. Scope dis dicc