There would be one hell of a knee jerk reaction out of me.

He gonna get a good stretching.

*parks tanker truck of eye bleach* here guys nice and warm for you.

Oh lord! I didn't want to see my ex today.

I think 1% is a grossly overestimated, 0.1% sounds closer to correct to me.

Is this better or worse than having a nine o'clock alarm and waking up at five?

To be fair, Time has always been pretty much just pre-used emergency toilet paper so this is of little surprise.

The rehab rejects.

That's how I felt at work last night, but the 'shower' was stupid drunks wanting more liver rot after last call.

Ah my spirit animal, or one of my demons I can't decide.

Good. Hope she's blacklisted from food service too, what a disgusting hog!

At least it isn't glitter.

All three of the houses I've lived in (not counting my apartment when I lived near the national capital) have been haunted to some extent. In my birth home my grandfather died in what became my bedroom, that room always had footsteps at 2:25 am and any desk lamps (or the overhead light if none) would turn on for a minute. My second house which had a roughly 100+ year old bed in the attic, if you cuss (even silently) near that bed you will get scratched or hit, and the door to that attic despite having two different clasps holing it shut, one that slides and one that latches, will pop open three times a year. Current house has random knocks and analog clocks (even new ones) shift time randomly.

Lights out.

Five hours is an eternity for me, I'm lucky if I can score three uninterrupted hours. I can sleep for 8 hours but never without waking up multiple times sometimes per hour.

Well at least be polite and hold the door open for her before slamming it so hard the hinges weld together.

I would've laughed until she hung up.

Honk again and get a free widow washing, (alpacas spit when aggravated.)