Yeah I had to stop a dumb ass from doing something like this.
He is my 2nd to youngest brother. The idiot.
He needed an enema *pffft* so he reads instructions it says use boiled water.
He has a full stemming hot freshly whistled kettle FULL of hot water. He walks to the bathroom with it.
I say ummm where you going with that!?
He says the instructions say use boiling water.
I say NO THE INSTRUCTIONS SAY USE BOILED WATER! As in it WAS BOILED but now has COOLED DOWN!
He looks at instructions again and still doesn’t believe me so we take it to our mom. She says exactly what I say he has to use water that WAS boiled NOT boiling HOT water.
Lol
I tell him every once in a while you owe me because I saved your ass. Lol

Few days ago my daughter was having a bad day she said her whole body ached she said her friend was being a jerk and she just wanted to lay in bed all day.
I told my husband to bring home some Kit Kat’s and funnions (her favorite) and for dinner I made spaghetti. All her favorite food and I rubbed her feet and lent her my heating pad so she can nap comfy.
Lol next day she said it was the best day ever I said good now it’s my turn make me Mancottie and rub my feet.
Lmfao
I didn’t make her rub my feet and such lol I just told her to as a joke lol

Legit my kid lol
I spoiled her because she has what we call a “special” tummy truth is she can’t handle most foods due to lack of certain enzymes in her stomach as well as the lining not being as thick as it should be.
So me and hubby would have tacos she have quesadilla
We have seasoned chicken with potatoes and carrots she have home made chicken nuggets and home made fries lol (Not store bought I make them from scratch)
I rather have her eat things she can and want to eat than have her forced to eat something she can but don’t like.
Even if about 60% of our meals I end up making 2 different meals.

My Dad tried his best to teach all of us about cars.
I know enough to fix cosmetic problems.
Like:
Flat tires
Lose wires
Jump start
Syphon gas
Check oil
Add water
Fix/replace wipers
Clear ice covered windshield without cracking it
Temporary fix a dragging tail pipe
.
The rest I know how to just find out what is wrong. Not because he didn’t teach me but lmfao because I didn’t care to learn lol
Luckily my husband knows more about cars and anything he doesn’t know I know.
Like for a while his ac kept kicking off.
He changed the filter did a diagnostic nothing showed why.
I’m in the car with him and he gets out to go in a store. The MINUTE he slammed his door it kicked on. I knew right away it was a lose wire.
So I went to his door and sure enough I found a wire barely in and I unplugged it to hear the ac shut off. I full plug it in and it was on.
He comes back to me enjoying the ac and I said I fixed it I told him what happen he looked at me like WHAT THE FUCK
Lmao

My brother had placed a stick figure sticker on his car when his wife was pregnant with their first kid.
You know the ones with the mom and dad and kids and sometimes even pets? Well this wasn’t that lol it was 2 stick figures doing it doggy style and the male stick figure was saying making my family!
Lol she cussed him out and told him take it off.
It was there only long enough for the whole town to see lmfao (small town)

Lmfao I know how you feel kitty

I had a very redneck uncle who had a huge belly it’s actually what ended up killing him one day he stood up and it ruptured his stomach intestines and he pretty much poison himself with his own bile no lie.
Anyways for one Christmas my mom thought she be funny because this was her brother and see his wife was thin as a rake so my mom got a belly button lint brush like this one for his wife and for him my mom got a bathroom toilet brush And put a tag on it that said bellybutton lint brush.
When my uncle opened his gift after seeing his wife open hers he almost shit himself from laughing so hard. Lmfao

Is that something an episode of stranger things?

Yeah totally happen
See when my kid was 4 she looked up from her copy of war and peace and said Mother if dog spelled backwards is God does that mean dogs are godly?
-.-
That is how stupid it sounds when people lie about what their kid says

My favorite thing to tell people is:
It is easier to regret doing something than it is to regret not doing something.

Not going to lie lmfao sometimes I say this to my kid even when I didn’t ask her to do anything just to see if she say yes lol so I can go ok where is it? And just see the panic on her face lmfao

Cat:
BEST
BIRTHDAY
EVERY!!!!
Human: This is your first ever birthday?! o.0
Cat: AND IT IS GLORIOUS!!!

Well it’s really about treasure
For each character it’s a different type of treasure
For Elisabeth and William it’s love
For Babosa it’s being his own master
For Jack it’s having a good time as a pirate till he croaks

I always wondered in toy story at what point do the toys become alive?
If it’s once released from packaging than what about ready bears and stuffed animals are they just always alive?
If it is once given to a kid than why was the toys alive in the store?
Also how long do they live?
What about toys that were found from cavemen? Are they still alive or was they ever alive to begin with?

Reminds me of a saying my Dad used to says
I swear to god you think you are so clever you probably think the holy light shines out your ass crack!
Lmfao

Lmfao it looks like a pet bug that it’s owner dressed up in a cute pet costume lol

Doctor strange: where the fuck is the bathroom?

I have had dogs where I had to gain their trust and love
I also have had cats that INSTANTLY loved me with out knowing me
So that theory is bullshit

So you know originally it wasn’t catch a TIGER It was a different word that ends in GER
Yeah I found that out when I was a kid and I was playing with my brothers and friends.
We were going to play hide and seek so we did any mini minin Mo and you see it ends with catch a tiger by its toe if he hollers let him go
Well we were doing this in front of my friend’s grandmother who is black and the minute we said catch a tiger she came over and yelled at us saying that that was a racist song and she never wanted to hear it again so when I got home I asked my grandma about it and she said what it originally was.
It’s kind of like how when I was a kid we were told at School to sit Indian style but now they tell the kids to sit Chris cross applesauce.