My brother said when he dies he wants in extremely small print so the person reading it has to stand right in front of the tombstone to read it the words “GET OFF MY FACE!” lmfao just figures he think of that lol

Dolphins aren’t evil they are just playful like a dog that doesn’t realize it’s no longer a tiny puppy but is now a gigantic dog and so it accidentally KILLS the kitty it was playing with and they are bit of a rapist.

You be surprised how people change in a short time. I went 10 years without seeing my parents or brothers. My Dad was almost unrecognizable he was 60 when I saw him last than 70.
He went from 46 to 57.

Though this is a clever way to put it, truth is if something is wrong the whole world could say it was wrong and a stubborn person would still say it’s right.
I mean that’s how we get a Karen.

It should say
“Son if THEY can’t say something nice, say something clever AND devastating.”

So my kid broke her laptop screen luckily my hubby is a technician and lol let’s just say I know that that is still usable.

One thing that BLEW MY MIND was finding out a Whole Boston cream pie is healthier than a ceaser salad covered in ranch.

This is LEGIT my husband. He has NO CLUE how to comfort someone.
He also doesn’t know how to tell people bad news lol.
If I die before him I have assigned some one to tell our daughter. Lol
Because he just say “Bad news Mom is dead.”
Lmfao that’s how he tells bad news no prep no it be ok she is better off now nothing to comfort.
Just she dead!
We joke about it to him and he says “WELL ITS THE TRUTH?!?!?”
YES BUT YOU NEED TO COMFORT PEOPLE WHEN GIVING BAD NEWS LIKE THAT!!! Lmfao

So My daughter (14) developed Tourettes last September. Due to covid she been out school so no kids or teacher had to experience her.
This yr her school is letting online continue but Wednesday is in person. *evil grin*
One her tics is when angry she barks at the person. I can’t wait because the teacher she has on that 1 day is her past teacher she hates lmfao woman is a bitch so this will be awesome.
(Side note: We have prepared her for possibly be made fun of and what to do.
But we also been training her to fake a tic to tell people off lmfao
She can’t wait lmfao she is so evil lol

Hissy fruit it tends to shed fur as you hold it and it’s very squishy fruit.

I was lovingly rubbing my husband fore head as he slept because he had a migraine. Than he grabs my arm digs his nails in and yanks it as hard as he could.
I screamed YOU SON OF A BITCH!
He didn’t wake up.
I told him what happen and says he is sorry than laughs and says I thought it was a pillow.
BITCH YOU SAYING I AM FAT LIKE A PILLOW!!!!

So ummm not so fun fact. The uterus actually CAN fall out. My mom had it fall out so much that the doctors just kept pushing it back in. She had surgeries to make it stay but it never would for long. Eventually they were going to have it fully removed than she found out she had cancer. And it was ALL thanks to a UDI that was placed in her with out her knowledge. It was there for over 27 years. She died due to it the cancer spread to her brain. So yeah it can happen. Just not by moving fast lol. But it also can happen due to giving birth.

Waffle cone dipped in chocolate lol

This is a 2 part story with 2 stories that make 1
I was born in Gonzales Texas.
I now live in Exeter California. Both Itty bitty towns states apart.
I LEGIT LAST NIGHT! Met a woman who was born in my home town. She is as old as my mom would be today. I asked when did she move? She said after high school. There is only 1 high school in the town. I asked did she know a Laura Lee Pettus? She said O my gosh I haven’t heard that name in years! She and her husband is why me and my husband got married.
Ok so here the other part…

My husband’s grandparents are 100 and 98 they helped raise him and his sister because his parents were assholes. His grandmother was okish but still more like a strict parent. But to our daughter they were and still is so sweet and try to make her laugh. They both have Dementia and Alzheimer’s yet still remember that she is their great grand kid. She doesn’t call my husband’s parents ANYTHING close to a loving grandparents name. His Dad is Dude and his mom is Vikki. My parents Boompa and Lolly. They picked them lol and they loved her. My grandparents sadly died before meeting her but I know they would of loved her. So really all she has is 2 VERY old great grandparents that are still alive.

I am the only one in my siblings that got married than got pregnant. They all had either got pregnant than married or had kids than married or had kids never married.
So when They found out I was pregnant they sent me a card that was just a folded piece of paper. In it was written “You think you are SO SPECIAL cause you had a non bastard kid la dee da!” I never would call my nieces and nephews a bastard child. But that’s my brothers for yah they thought it was funny. -.- they are idiots

My husband does computer work for people on the side. One time he unknowingly at first did work for a few “skin heads”. We are white. They asked him to join he said no I’m sorry I couldn’t do that. They said no problem. They spread my husband’s number around as a great guy to call for working on electronics. He got to know the guys and they were super friendly and nice. One day he asked why did they hate other races. The main guy laughed and said “DUDE IM 1/4 BLACK! We don’t hate races we just want to hang around other white people. True we won’t invite someone unless they at least LOOK white but we don’t hate we all about love.” And it was true they didn’t promote the swastika or the hoods or anything they just like to be around their own race and chill while doing white people stuff lol.
Now I’m not saying all are like that but it shocked the shit out of us that there are some like this lol