Reminds me of the story about Bill Murray.
He was in a restaurant and took a French fry from a guys plate and told the guy “No one will believe you.” Roflmmfao

WHERE IS HER MOVIE?????
I would love to see her story

I was on a Greyhound bus going to go see my mom and dad for the last time before they passed away. I was with my daughter and there was this guy who clearly just got released from prison. Who was super sweet and I don’t know what he did but that’s besides the point. He kept asking people to help him but most refused. But he came to me and begged me to help him and I said I would help. He had a prepaid phone and the plan he had was so many minutes on the phone call and so many minutes to text. He couldn’t figure out why his phone wouldn’t let him call. It was because he used all his call minutes. I said you would have to text the person you’re talking to. He said I can’t do that I don’t know how to read or write. So I said do you want me to write a message for you. So he had me write a message to his girlfriend. In the message first thing I said is I am getting a nice woman to help me text. That way the woman didn’t say anything personal that I shouldn’t read lol

My dad was a BRILLIANT MAN he graduated SEVERAL colleges and universities. But 1 thing he HATED and had trouble with was math.
His favorite thing to say is.
“If I have 10 apples and Billy takes 3 how many apples do I have?
10 I have 10 fucking apples and you know why because I don’t FUCKING KNOW BILLY! He needs to go get his OWN DAMN APPLES!”

This used to be a real job rich people used to hire woman to cry at their funeral. They go from simple crying to full on throws themselves on top the coffin screaming why god why. They would even tear their clothes. It was because people wanted the world to think they were more than money but well loved and not alone. They knew it changed nothing for them but it made them happy to make those who done them wrong to see how popular they were.

Took me a minute lol

Fuck i hate that
I WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR!!!!
I fell asleep and jerked awake because I thought I was falling.
Worse part my oldest brother saw it happen and teased me for days about it lol the ass hst

Me as an Asexual
*Flops like a fish from laying on back to laying on stomach back and forth all night.*

That’s what she said lol

Bottom pic reminds me of the time my brother 2 yrs younger than me OUT OF THE BLUE turns to me and our Dad and said
“Confucius say man who cooks carrots
And peas in same pot
is very unsanitary man!”
-.-. He meant pea as in PEE!!!

As a southern Baptist we like to officially announce
“We ain’t with these people!”
Just want to put that out there. They the weird group that branched off and married their sister.

When you need a place for your 6 man canoe

Never lend money you can’t stand to lose.
Never borrow money you can’t pay back either.

Old world version of burying your money in a coffee can in the backyard.

Yeah but studies also shown it makes you live longer. So technically you be stupid but live to 100+ lol

There is no logic to cats lol

My husband is only slowly learning to cook since we been married. NO ONE taught him. Because they said “your wife will cook for you”?!?!?
Everyone in my family me and 5 brothers all know how to cook. Some are better than the others but still.
Boys and girls LEARN TO COOK!!!!

Actually they are very good for babies and my daughter had a few of these big and small. They also good for Dementia and Alzheimer’s people.

I had a dog as a kid that looked kind of like this she always looked like someone poured ashes all over her. So we called her ashes. She was a pretty dog.

Lmfao Yu Gi Oh cards lol I actually had the arm player thing.

Yeah like Ray Kroc “Founded” McDonald’s
-.-