I'm still stuck on the mass murderer fact. I can only imagine what the guy he didn't shoot was thinking. "I'm alive because I saved him. Others are dead because I saved him."

My High School just put on Spamalot last week

How about we build it on the same route, but with this instead of a highway?
http://www.wimp.com/tubetransport/

I think I have a better one;
One time on a Boy Scout camping trip, we were in this cabin that had these 3-high bunk beds with basically no railing on the side (they were basically glorified shelves). So while I was sleeping, I rolled off the 3rd bunk (which was 6-7 ft. high), hit the floor so loud I woke up half the troop, and continued sleeping. When some of the guys came to pick me up and carry me to the kitchen, my hand bumped into one of the tables; which was the only thing I could complain about. I didn't feel anything from the fall.

That glacier is derping all over the place

My thought right after reading this was; "They won't be screaming and crying at the same time because of Time zones"

I'm pretty sure it's at yellowstone

I once saw a billboard for neutering that said, "It's hip to get clipped!"