Cat is on my lap rn. Literally can't stop laughing now.

God is dead...

Not a fish but a hermit crab. Me and my two sisters each had one and they lived in the same enclosure. Now, some hermit crabs are quite territorial and they become very vulnerable whenever they leave their shell to shed. Think of Mr. Krabs. Well my crab killed my sisters' crabs whenever they shed! :O For my sister's next set of crabs we put a divider between the two but he squeezed passed and killed them again, the fucker. Shoulda known what I was getting when I chose the crab with the biggest claw lol.
Edit: This was around 2009 and I named him Chad. I know! He was ahead of his time. Fuckin Chad man lol.

Ooo a puppy! Oh careful honey, he has a knife. Uh what?? No, no I don't...

inner monologue: "Wow that's a pretty dirty train, wonder where that deer is. Even after a whole minute I can't seem to- Oh.......Ooooh......Ohmy..."

She does look very happy!

Notice how there are significantly fewer lines in the "Con" section under "Date him" than any other. Seems like this girl has her answer but it's not edgy enough lol.

Although that's not a difference of posture. It's a difference of tight or baggy clothes.

I am convinced that SpongeBob will be the most memeable thing that I will ever know in my lifetime.

Does that boy always look like he's trying to hold in a poop?

If everything in life was perfect from the get go we'd already be in heaven.

When you have zero dumpy and want to make use of the extra space

Oh maybe I'm reading this wrong, but is he not saying the people after the church crowd are rude, or the church crowd are the ones being rude?

Who tf wouldn't lol! If you don't and just eat the egg right away u dead to me

I take this to mean one of two things. He hates himself, or he is willing to murder and take the money of the person he hates the most.

Absolutely 100% me.

I think you mean geometric as apposed to geographic. Either way keep it up!

Looks like it was literally made for Shooting Stars

Ideally you would warn someone before you use force but gad dayum I would love to have seen that.

Getting is an drunk never excuse. She's your daughter not your date.

Omfg mine too tho!

I really feel like this is fake. I doubt Chick-fil-A would advertise in support of the LGBTQ movement.

If it is then I guess I like it. Put me down for 1

A more ambitious crossover than endgame.

I like the middle kid who is somewhat embarrassed and also respects the dad joke, like "haha yes, good one, I must remember this for when I too have offsprings".