Goddamn if this isn't the truth.

There's a Mike Birbiglia bit about how, if you keep having to defend your jokes and tell people "it's only a joke!", then you're bad at making jokes.

Tuesday starts the weekend.

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

A good walk ruined.

It's really special when it only happens once a year.

"Why is it that the greatest champions of the white race always turn out to be the worst examples of it?"

Man, really put Hugh Jazz in his place. Bravo.

I used to work at a hardware store in college and this huge black guy came in and bought a bunch of chainsaws and lawnmowers for a business he was starting. Because he paid with a check and the total was more than 500 bucks I had to call the bank to get it authorized. When I told him this, he looked me dead in the eyes and asked "it's cause I'm black, isn't it?" I froze with the phone in my hand, and as deadpan as he could, he said "nah man, I'm fucking with you. I'm going for a cigarette." His check cleared.

gggggaaaaaHHHHHHHH!

Who do you think is the other half of this equation?

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/stalin-vote-count-quote/

As the saying goes, "being poor is expensive."

That's a good start towards raising an emotionally mature young woman.

What does Ayn Rand have to do with this?

Ah yes, I remember my first time with Panamac.

My girlfriend cheated on me with her radio producer boss and got pregnant. She told me while I was giving her a ride home, so I pulled over and told her to get out and never contact me again.

Nah. The runners are instructed to do that, then at the end of the race volunteers come by and clean it up.

Funny thing about that picture: that guy is crying because he got outed as a neo Nazi and fired from his job.

I once dropped my grandma's, who was deeply Catholic, statue of the Virgin Mary and decapitated it. She ended up taking me to confession over the incident.