It’s the square root of t(h)ree!

I see a lot of mothers tell their sons that they shouldn’t cry, that crying is for girls. I think all people should know that they are allowed to cry, that they are allowed to share their feelings. It doesn’t matter who you are - feelings are natural and you should always feel comfortable sharing them.

I’m looking after our neighbour’s dog, and while she gets along with my dog, walks become super hectic. My dog hates it when she walks in front of him, so the second she steps out of line, he starts running to make sure they are walking exactly side by side. If she falls behind to smell the flowers, he will sniff the flowers too (even if he’s already sniffed them) to make sure they’re still twinning.

I donut know what to say. Sometimes, I just really love people.

I used to think that the indicator in a car was just the car giving you direction on where to go. I didn’t realise that the driver controlled the indicator. I thought it was some sort of in-built GPS.

Or like, watching porn for the story and plot.

I mean, the rule says they can’t touch their own phone. So, technically, if you take the picture from someone else’s phone, you’re still in the game.

I looked it up, and the full title is, ‘I found out today one of my Northern friends had never seen it even heard of the Chimichanga outside of Deadpool’.
Apparently, a Chimichanga is a tortilla wrapped around a (usually) meat filling and is deep-fried.

Oh, man. It sucks when you accidentally buy a cat that’s too big for the climbing frame.

This is what I imagine my friends do when I ask them to check my ass for period stains. They’re about as subtle as hand grenades.

And kids! I have this mother who I always meet at swimming classes and whenever she sees her kid swim, she always says, ‘He’s going to sleep well tonight!’

Okay, probably irrelevant, but doesn’t she remind anyone of that lady in the movie Madagascar?

Australian here. I’ll also add that it almost never rains. It never rains, and yet, there always seems to be a massive flood every year. No one knows where the water comes from. It just comes.

Honestly, it’s so aesthetic that it looks like a Snapchat filter.

Convince him that you were referring to the other type of ‘daddy’.

I clenched my butthole and I don’t even have a penis. What is this sorcery?

The poo is great and all, but I love that the bottle says 946mL. That’s so specific - not 945, not 950, but 946.

I would love to go here for the sole purpose of being able to tell others that I know what a dark soul tastes like.

These puns are getting out of hand!

I thought it was the candy cane, since it’s the only one that tastes good.

I mean, there are worse things she could do (anyone get the reference?)