The Kool Aid Man had to find alternate means of employment once the recession hit.

Everyone has 88 fingers, though, right? *looks around panicked* Right guys? Right???

That is how you determine if a human is worthy.

Just say, "Of course it doesn't make you look fat, but I have seen you in outfits that show off your figure better."

I hesitate to be the spoil sport, but- feet washing was a very common practice, regardless of whether or not the word foot was used as a euphemism. That's like looking at an old painting of a feast and due to it's inclusion of a bird (which used to be a euphemism) concluding it must be a painting about sex.