Ha! My work dress code is "pants, not jeans" and I wear black jeans.

This is one of my absolute favorite posts in the history of the internet.

I liked being nineteen so much that I was nineteen for two years. Eighteen, nineteen, nineteen, twenty-one.

I worked in a donut shop in high school. At the end of the day, I'd put two dozen day-old donuts in my hatchback and my friends and I would go park at the beach and smoke pot and eat donuts until we were sick. Every day.

* 'Elfie

*Fabulous chicken

"Some men are born in the wrong century. I think I was born on the wrong continent."

I guess I have naturally curled hair, then.

I borrow my neighbor's goat about two days a week to keep the blackberry under control.

At first, I was like, "'Cooking Formula'? You mean recipe?" Then I read it... Yup, that's a cooking formula for salad dressing with some bonus recipes at the bottom.

Werd.

When I lived in rural Missouri, I noticed folks said "you'ns" for the plural you.

I attend church regularly, but when anyone brings up homosexuality I always answer, "Yanno, maybe it would seem like more a matter of faith and less a matter of hate if we protested divorce the same way we protest same-sex marriage." The Bible also says to care for the stranger sojourner, yet conservative Christians also seem to be vocal about illegal immigrants. Maybe if we behaved like we believed what we say we believe, we wouldn't look like a bunch of assholes.

I'm always half-smiling. My "resting bitch face" is intense so I got in the habit of half smiling all the time so I don't look like I'm plotting murder when I'm thinking about what I'm making for dinner.

I gave up everything for a simple life in the woods. Okay, not everything...I clearly still have my phone. But we got a piece of property outside of town and we're living in tents while we work on the property and build a house.

Listen, I'm a real adult, like with kids and wrinkles and gray hairs, and sometimes I'll be driving down the road and it hits me--how did I get old and still not know what the fuck I'm doing?

As a recipient, maybe your blood is swimming around in my boobies.

Most of my photos on my phone are things I see for sale that I like, but I can make cheaper myself.

I believe that drugs should be decriminalized not so that more people can die, but so that more people can be saved. If the social stigma and legal ramifications of addiction were reduced, folks who struggle with addiction would be more willing and able to receive the treatment they need.

I mean...it's pretty, but...I don't know.... It just goes in circles.